discuss amongst ya-selves…..
:: Bachelor in Paradise ::
It just gets better and better!
It just gets better and better!
Evan walks up to ask Amanda out while she is mid-makeout with Josh.
Evan’s note reads “Amanda : Put your heart on blast”
Yep, that’ll get her Evan!!!
I mean…. I love his confidence (no, I just feel bad for him)…. but Evan….. STAHP.
Amanda kindly goes to put her heart on blast to talk to Evan.
Josh’s pizza arrives {and it’s missing a slice ….why do I notice things like that?}
He disgustingly makes the same mmmmm noises whilst making out and that he does while eating pizza
{what does sound amazing though is the crunch of the crust.
like, I REALLY WANT that pizza}
like, I REALLY WANT that pizza}
Amanda kindly rejects Evan. Obviously.
And then evan interprets what she says as SCORE there’s a chance!!!
He’s “hopeful for the first time in a long time”
WHAT? are you deaf? she said nothing of the sort.
Josh is just sweating his ass off. I’ve truly never seen anything like it….
Seriously how does amanda 1. not see through his BS 2. put up with his moaning while kissing and 3. touch him while he is sweating this much!
Kayla arrives and girls start to get catty.
I agree with what the twin (which one? who knows) is saying about Kayla
(well, not that she doesn’t know what condescending is… good lord)
but just thats Kayla’s too perfect.
Evan’s now back on Carly and forgetting about Amanda.
Evan now thinks that Carly is giving him a chance again and opening a door.
Evan now thinks that Carly is giving him a chance again and opening a door.
no one is opening up the door that is being closed in your face
editors note : nope. stay tuned…. I’m wrong…. Carly has gone coo-coo.
the “couples” go on a double date
which all you really need to know is Lace is on it, so it’ll be entertaining.
it goes from dinner, to a mexican bar, to shots at a mexican bar, to lots of shots at a mexican bar in the middle of a foam party, to LAYING on the floor in a mexican club after a FOAM party
SICK. SICK. SICK.
Lace : “laying on the floor of the bar with a crotch in my face – its just like high school!”
oh. goodness.
A girl throws a pitcher of ice water on them when they’re ready for body shots and Lace is ready to THROW DOWN and producers clearly have to completely intervene so that the star-drunk of the show doesn’t get arrested.
AMANDA. I am disappointed in you! You have little girls at home!
this bedroom scene! AH!
and how can you be this stupid!?!?
PART TWO : TUESDAY NIGHT
seriously… its back to back nights with this crap….
Ashley (or as you long time readers may remember, princess jasmine belly button ring) arrives and wastes no time going back to her stalking of Jared despite him making it very clear that he is not interested.
and she also wastes no time sobbing hysterically that he is dating kayla.
its so stupid.
no, wait, them making it look like she’s talking to the parrot is so stupid – but then she calls it out that they’re going to edit it that way to the person she’s talking to which is kind of amazing.
Daniel, the Canadian who is the strangest person ever, on his date:
“maybe she wants canadian bacon…..
canadian sausage…….
canadian bacon and sausage, drizzled in maple syrup”
and wait for it… one more, and its the best yet
“maybe she wants some canadian poutine.”
I mean, I’m always in the mood for poutine, but the gravy covered french fry version, and something tells me she won’t be interested either.
Jen, the new arrival and Nick’s new acquaintance, looks just like Olivia Munn!
She’s super cute and they barely showed her even though she lasted awhile on Ben’s season which means she must be normal and sane! (or at least more than everyone else!)
A medic comes in and basically forces Evan to go the hospital?
because his ankles are swelling or something? He doesn’t even know why he’s being put into an ambulance.
What?
In the ambulance, the delivery of this IV on Evan is terrifying
because his ankles are swelling or something? He doesn’t even know why he’s being put into an ambulance.
What?
In the ambulance, the delivery of this IV on Evan is terrifying
Can you imagine if someone gave you an IV and you were gushing blood out of your arm?
gushing blood.
gushing blood.
I CANT.
and Carly……
Carly, Carly, Carly…… now you are acting like Evan is amazing again…….
you’ve lost your damn marbles.
back to the Jen and Nick date – they are trying to talk and kiss on the beach but
THE CRABS! EVERYWHERE! WHILE THEY MAKE OUT!
TERRIFYING!
Seriously the crabs at this place are insane (I mean….. walking right into that joke….. that’s what he said)
Ashlee….. Like, I mean, seriously, for real (and yes….. all of those meaningless entry words are needed while I try to wrap my head around this situation)….
HOW are you this nuts of a stage 5 clinger? Over and over again? Especially when you know it’s on national television. WHAT?
if she wasn’t genuinely crying this damn much I would think all of it was fake.
sadly, it’s even worse because it’s real.
sadly, it’s even worse because it’s real.
:: big brother ::
as briefly mentioned on Monday, Paulie is the worst. and I’m ready to see him evicted.
it always amazes me how people that I like and dislike in the beginning always end up flipping midway through. With sweet Cody as your brother, and everyone loving you to begin with, you really had to be awful for everyone to flip on you. He has another thing coming when he leaves the house and realizes America can’t stand him.
and I couldn’t stand Paul in the beginning (especially with Jose) and now I kind of like him? Even though he doesn’t know how to talk and only yells…. but still….
especially now that is he turning on Paulie!
and Im even done with Nicole! whom I loved!
this game messed with my head…
This week’s punishments from Zingbot were amazing.
Paul in the Secret Service uniform having to pat-downs and checkpoint clearances? AMAZING
99% of you are REALLY thinking this show sounds so stupid and have no idea what I’m talking about but the rest of you, I know you loved Wednesday nights episode so much!
hashtag big brother is the best I love it so much thank gawd its on three nights a week in the summer.
:: RHoOC ::
Kelly’s mouth is just huge. silenthUGE.
I had to say that first because thats all I thought about the first scene she was in the entire time.
usually its just a big lips, big mouth OR a big teeth situation
but she has ALL THREE.
but she has ALL THREE.
I’m skipping, like, the whole episode and just cutting straight to the dinner with one exception:
When Kelly discussed that “Shannon” (really it was the chick at Shannons party) called her a prostitue, her defense is that “she’s been a multimillionare for years”
um…… this is an interesting thing to keep saying because that really has nothing to do with the prostitute allegation at all? the two are not mutually exclusive?
I wouldn’t have thought anything of the prostiture comment….. but now her anger and her “I’m a millionare” comment is making me think maybbeeeeee she was an escort or something????
and then at dinner her defense is that she is a mother….. again, a mother and prostitute are not mutually exclusive Kelly…..
ALSO, the person who is calling her a prostitute is someone who has never even met her,
so either DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH, METHINK or her anger management issues just apply to everything (or…. both… most likely both….)
so either DOTH PROTEST TOO MUCH, METHINK or her anger management issues just apply to everything (or…. both… most likely both….)
but I digress…..
OH WAIT. One more thing,
The accusation was never even that she was a “prostitute” it was that she “did ____ for money”.
Just wanted to clarify all that for those of you with lives who don’t watch every second of this trash yet for some reason read my sad recaps and commentary on them….
Okay now that that’s clarified…….
Back to the Japanese Baby Basting Dinner in honor of Meghan King Edmonds looming artificial insemination :
Why does Tamra hang out with Ryas ex fiancé? Its one thing to maintain a relationship for the grandchild and all that, but to bring her to the dinner with your 40+ year old girlfriends (slash one 30 year old meghan king edmonds) its just weird!
Vicki’s apology gift to Meghan King Edmonds includes petting her hair (WHAT?)
but they don’t want to be friends
but they don’t want to be friends
I’d be like please let go of my hair and stop petting me and back away slowly.
Did kelly have a chemical peel? She’s REALLY red in the face? with like full white around her eye sockets and then bright red face the second she sits down prior to her yelling and causing a $#^! storm………
this picture doesn’t even show it…. trust me.
ugh. Ijust can’t stand kelly. at first I thought she’d be fun addition even with the ridiculousness but now I just think she gets drunk and runs her mouth.
When someone admits early on they have anger issues….it clearly is legitimately anger management issues that need help……. run shannon run!
The “shut the F up” is said…… and thennnnnn “the C word” comes out……
and it comes out loud.
and it comes out loud.
soon followed by her “crying” and yelling “who says those things about me for my daughter to hear!”
A. earth to kelly, shannon never said any of it.
B. your daughter just heard you say the C word soooooooooooooooooooooo
C. I hope you aren’t back next season.
Oh…. as I type I hope you aren’t back next season it keeps going and I think my wish is already coming true…….because it just keeps going……
THENN she yelled ” You dumb F___” at Tamra.
{editors note: The yeahhhh below to be read in the Office Space voice :
Yeahhhhhhh I’m pretty sure Kelly won’t be back next season. RH is all about the drama, but not getting drunk and spewing curse words and everyone.}
her voice keeps getting higher and higher pitched, her face more and more red (but with the area all around her eyes completely white) and we are back into the WHOOOOO Owl territory all over again.
Heather pulls a Taylor Armstrong at the E-Cig dinner at Camille’s
and is stands up because she’s had ENOUGH!!!
and is stands up because she’s had ENOUGH!!!
and she tries to kick Kelly out of a dinner she isn’t hosting.
um…. I understand, but don’t think thats your place Heather?
I think the leopard dress is getting to you?
um…. I understand, but don’t think thats your place Heather?
I think the leopard dress is getting to you?
When drunk-red-faced-Kelly is like “NO” than Heather says she’ll leave because someone who has 5 different types of ice in their house chateau is ABOVE THIS.
She has Hexagonal ice Kelly!!! She is NOT doing this.
ironically : Vicki literally says nothing and reacts to nothing this whole meal.
Everyone starts to leave after Heather leaves. Kelly follows people outside and says to Shannon and Tamra, Oh sorry, I didn’t mean all that.
mmmmmmmmmk????
Cut to Heather in the backseat of her black car HYSTERICALLY crying.
I don’t know why Heather is sobbing in the car while Terry (as worriedly as Terry, who couldn’t care less, can possibly sound) says “what happened? what happened? what happened?” three times and she can’t say a word.
…. I MEAN at this point I would have thought something was physically wrong with Heather.
a wee bit dramatic.
and in case you missed it, Kelly didn’t say anything at all to YOU so to be pissed and leave is fine, but not to cry like you are critically injured.
but yes, I agree with Heather that Kelly IS THAT awful.
dare I say….. Kelly Dodd….. is worse…. than Brandi Glanville?
dun. dun. dunnnn.
no…. not even close…. but still…. lets save the C-words for that trashy girl please Kelly.
and we all know where Brandi’s place in the cast went…. down the toilet. see what yelling see you next tuesday gets you!
:: the voice ::
I’m sorry, but I can NOT. NOT. just CAN’T. watch the voice with Miley Cyrus as a judge.
I’m protesting.
I CAN’T.
:: RhoNY ::
I’m watching this weeks highly anticipated episode in the morning while I workout and I’m so excited I can barely sleep.
bravo is, after all, my disney world
it’s literally straight out of a soap opera in the preview :
Bethenny ” I have something to tell you…”
LuAnn “Don’t tell me it’s about Tom…. “
Bethenny “….long pause and stare…..It’s about Tom….”
LuAnn : ” AY DIOS MIO!!!! and faints ”
K so maybe not ‘Ay Dios Mio’ and fainting but running out of the room and saying STOP FILMING ME is basically the American version of a Telenovela moment, right?
ALSO, last week :
just pure amazing television. truly.
:: ryan lochte ::
while being robbed at gunpoint is always a bad thing, and nothing to be laughed at,
you know whats coming… me laughing
watching him give the interview with billy bush on the today show was hilarious. he just makes no sense.
there is nothing go on up there. it’s crazy.
***** what I wrote above was written prior to me seeing the most recent news…. which is :
brazilian judges want ryan lochte’s passport seizes because they think he’s lying due to discrepancies in his story and the stories of the other athletes he was with (see story here)
I mean…. I can see why the judge would be confused, but I just don’t think he understands the brain capactiy that is ryan lochte and that Im sure he is incapable of concocting any story like that.
and my guess is the reason stories aren’t matching up is because it was the wee hours of the morning after them partying for hours at the da clubs. duh. calm down brazil! they were out enjoying your nightlife and things are a bit blurry!!
:: Mazel + Jackhole ::
The Olympics.
I love them, but I’m ready to say goodbye. It’s been exhausting. Late nights, avoiding going online or on my phone at all costs because I’ll see something before it airs. Lots of hours of crappy stuff I don’t care to watch constantly on while I wait for what I want to watch.
But it has brought some great moments.
Zac Efron of course being one of them.
even though many of you may have seen this……. it’s just so good.
and although dListed is always super inappropriate,
he is hilarious (sorry not sorry)
and this short clip of a pole vaulter losing his olympic medal dreams because of his, um, cough, hitting the pole is quite funny. (again, sorry, not sorry).
EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.
#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.
I love how Ashley said she was only going to cry THREE TIMES the WHOLE TIME. Yep. Okay. Already squashed that one.
Ha! You crack me up!
love the Butt Fuchs jerseys and was laughing when a news anchor pointed out that 3 x 23 is 69. Couldn't be more perfect! lol
VistaVapors is the #1 electronic cigarettes provider out there.