RHOBH returns TONIGHT!
Similar to last weeks NY return,
I had weeks of old commentary on previous episodes that I never posted in a Coffee Talk,
so I figured I’d use them as a refresher with a Mini Coffee Talk before tonight’s episode.
because it’s been a LONG time.
and similar disclaimer to last week :
this may be very choppy because I’m copy and pasting from a bunch of old unpublished posts.
…. I know, I know… when is it not choppy?!
when does it EVER make sense?!
:: RHOBH ::
I am really all over the map with the BH ladies because somehow I agree with everyone on certain things, and then I disagree with them entirely?! It’s like they’re totally right and then they take it one step too far and I’m like “nevermind you’re an idiot and now you blew it in all the parts where you were right because no one will even think about that part now.” YaknowwhatImean?! No? Oh…..
BUT the one person I’m NOT sure of is KYLE?! What the HEYLL?!
You are being this petty about GLAM?! SERIOUSLY?!
And ALSO, I really really really really cannot handle her styling these last few episodes. I know that the bangs were for a role (although can’t you CLIP those bad boys on? It’s not as though she was Charlize Theron transforming for an Oscar nominated role?!)
… but it’s as though she is trying to make herself look at matronly as possible in ADDITION to the bangs?!
She must have finally caught on because in her confessionals she looks as gorgeous as ever.
Maybe this is why the glam makes her so mad?! Because she needs someone to tell her that the way she is styling her hair and slicking on the dark lipstick is a HARD NO and Mauricio is too high devouring a sandwich to be the one to tell her!
but I digress…. three (four?!) weeks worth of stuff to unpack…..
Why do these women (Erika) think it’s wrong for Denise to not want F-Bombs and threesome talk happening around her kids and their friends?!
“I thought this was the chick from Wild Things…. married to Charlie Sheen…” Ummmm yes. But what does that have anything to do with stuff being said around her KIDS?! Imagine if the women tried to pull that kind of stunt at a dinner party at Mr. Girardi’s?!?! Methinks Erika would annihilate them.
This entire Buca di Beppo thing with Dorit and PEE-KAY just cracks me up.
although I am realllllllly loving Dorit this season.
And they think Lisa Vanderpump could possibly care about this?!
As though you designing a room in a Buca di Beppo affects her?! HILARIOUS.
Almost as hilarious as Dorit’s ponytail lewk for Rinna’s kids thing.
Ok, so the Dorit versus Sutton debate.
I do not understand Sutton AT ALL. She is all over the place. From preaching about manners nonstop when she has none, acting as though she is all tough and then breaking down crying from the slightest bit of drama (did you know what show you were signing up to do?!) and going from 0 to 60 with her outbursts.
I DO think Sutton was being crazy and freaking out going into the event thinking that that make-up guy that used to be Rachel Zoe’s guy was going to be there.
editors note: gawd I loved that show
BUT I also think Dorit made it seem worse than it was by saying “flip the F out”. But I mean… it’s Housewives and it’s Dorit so I’m not really surprised she hurled it out at dinner. It’s like the second these women sit at a dinner table they’re waiting to see if someone else is going to light the match or if they are going to do it first. It’s also, like, their job?! Right?!
I really do think Sutton just LOST it though and it doesn’t make sense to me. Dorit mostly just sat there letting her implode and she kept getting more and more angry until she would LET THE MOUSE GO.
Rinna seemed to be the one adding more fuel to the fire than anyone, but whatever, it’s Rinna.
It’s Housewives. It’s the norm.
More interesting than the “let the mouse go” debate is the GLAM DEBATE that has continued for weeks. Denise rightfully puts Kyle in her place by asking what is the big deal about people getting glam?! Kyle responds that they are “fake ass bitches” and mentions the diamond ice sculpture from Denise’s pizza soiree and I died laughing. That damn ice sculpture WAS hilarious and didn’t fit (we later learn her daughter wanted it so it all makes sense). But really, HOW IS KYLE THIS PETTY?! and RUDE to say that to Denise! (I mean, sure, say it in your confessional, because we were all thinking it….. you know what I mean…..)
Denise also isn’t having it that Kyle’s defense for everything is that she is busy and has a life. I’m with Denise. Everyone’s busy. Everyone has a life. LOCK IT UP. Denise has about 50x more on her plate than Kyle, but like a normal adult doesn’t use it an excuse for everything or a reason to be a bitch to other people.
THE NEXT WEEK :
Erika has a dinner party with her astrologer friend to read all of the women’s charts. They all pretend to act like civilized human beings for Mr. Girardi’s sake before unleashing on each other later at the dinner table.
I love that the most hideous pink trench ever is the one being worn by 3 of the women, two in a completely identical dress.
Similar to how we are still discussing glam (is this Lucy Lucy Apple Juice all over again?! is GLAM the drinking word of the season?!), we are still discussing Kyle and Teddi being BFF. Yes, Dorit. They are. Move on. There are a million jabs you can take at Kyle with the stuff she is putting out there right now, but sometimes two people are closer to each other than to any of their other friends. It’s not a big deal and it doesn’t make them lesbians for sleeping in the same bed.
I meannnn enough already. LET THE MOUSE GO.
Denise, Rinna, and Garcelle decide to get the hell out of dodge.
They’ve had enough of Kyle, I suppose.
The car ride home was hilarious. I love Garcelle. She cracks me up.
editors note: don’t disagree, but so is your outfit?!?
Meanwhile, Kyle keeps digging her grave even more, even when the conversation turns to something as stupid as her and Teddi “going to therapy” together. Instead of seeing an out where clearly other people are being petty, she goes full throttle. When she opened her mouth and said to Erika “well maybe that’s because you don’t have any friends” I gasped. WHAT THE HEYYLL IS GOING ON WITH KYLE?!?!?! Oooooo she’s gonna eat you alive, Kyle!!!!
Also…. did Teddi talk at all the last two episodes? I feel like her name was brought up constantly because of the Kyle + Teddi package deal talk, she was at every event, and yet I feel like I didn’t hear a single word?!
Not complaining…. just a realization……
THEN the next week, the ladies head on a trip. To um…..
uh it’s been so long, it wasn’t Napa? It was uhhh… Sonoma? Maybe? Whatever who cares…
The entire trip is the beginning of “let’s NEVER stop bringing up to Denise the threesome hypocrisy.” The women all essentially take it as “you’re bad moms for talking like that” which is NEVER what she said. If anyone is mom-shaming, they are mom shaming HER.
You are allowed to be someone who talks about things to their girlfriends and has a past that they don’t want discussed at their home in front of their daughters and their daughters friends. THAT is normal.
(The NOT normal is having your daughters learn about bl*w j*bs from you. You do you Rinna but you can’t act like that is normal parenting and Denise’s is not.)
And Sutton…. chiming in with “the next time you decide to host a party at your own home, don’t have your children there.”
REALLY SUTTON?! I can’t stand this woman.
Denise shuts the convo down and they all awkwardly head to bed.
The next morning over badly brewed coffee they CONTINUE IT AGAIN.
I swear…. I’m so over this….. and Rinna – her actual close friend – takes serious jabs at Denise, too.
All of the other women look like complete asses in my opinion until the BBQ at Kyle’s.
And also, I’m confused. Kyle throws this big “Family BBQ” which is either HIGHLY coincidental or an opportunity to take a stab at Denise and see if she’ll bring her kids. But, um, Kyle. Your kids aren’t even there? Sooooooo. Anyways…..
Denise makes a big point of saying she can’t bring her kids around the women which really sets the whole thing on fire again. But the real catalyst is Aaron. When will the men learn to stay out of womens arguments?!
It will only make it worse. I get that the women were all unfairly badgering her after she repeatedly said she wasn’t mad, but the second Aaron steps in to “man-splain” how it’s going to go down to them….. UH UH. Nay nay. No thank you Aaron. Not how it works. Saying “okay, so there’s no issue ladies? Okay moving on. Let’s talk about something else. Thank you.” That is NOT how this Housewives show works. NOT EVEN CLOSE.
The house husbands sit on their end of the table, occasionally mixed in but usually not, and you do your own thing while the women talk nonsense.
He goes on to say “What does this do for all of you? How does it make you feel? Not very great.”
K…. Aaron…. I’m pretty sure that ESPECIALLY after the spectacle you put on at the dinner party a few weeks ago talking about how cancer is fake, the government is chasing you, and acting like a lunatic you are the LAST person they are going to be taking advice from but whatever.
Eventually Aaron decides they’re leaving and Denise repeats “we’re on camera/miced don’t say another word” all starts as he drags Denise from the party out front to the car. That camera and mic then pick up on Denise saying he is crushing her hand. Not a good LEWK Aaron. You’re going to have to put some electrodes or magnets or alien tears on that hand later.
and then we get a
to be continued…..
and it finally continues TONIGHT.
The rumors since last year during filming have been that IRONICALLY after all of this “no threesome talk in front of the kids” stuff, Denise and Brandi hooked up and it’s going to get WILD.
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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
my apologies for lack of weekly Coffee Talk like the good old days.
My little twin loves take after their mother and if the television is on their eyes are LOCKED and IN LOVE and want nothing else which leaves me little time for my beloved TV until late at night.
I’m also too tired to proofread my own nonsense,
so if it reads as though Teresa Giudice wrote it…….sorry not sorry.
images from : bravo, giphy, us weekly, people, enews, reality tea, tenor