TALK AMONGST YA-SELVES…….

:: RHONY ::
These women.  I mean WOWOWOW.
The way they behave with booze in them is not to be believed.

just kidding…. I’m just at least mature enough to not destroy someones house and waste bottles of booze by pouring them into a swimming pool or hurling them in the air.

I’m equally impressed and horrified that at their age they can throw back this amount of booze on what seems to be a regular basis?!

Only these women go from sitting a winery asking to share person things to connect with each other at lunch to hurling tiki torches and leaving vibrators in platters of chicken hours later.

Ramona kills me.  She continues her complaints about the other women and their manners, yet she is yelling at them to do things for her, inviting random men over for girls night, and LEAVING her own dinner party to go hang out with her “friends” – aka – the wealthy people she’s so desperate to be around. (I loved her getting called out for her behavior at the rich guy’s house the week prior, trying to be all proper.)
But really… Ramona will do ANYTHING for a date.  It’s insane.  How does she date this much and never have a boyfriend?! (I say that because she acts like she wants a boyfriend with all the dates and she certainly seems like she good get plenty of men, EVEN WITH her crazy?!)

Although, LuAnn is just as bad.  Throwing herself at the dog groomers and tennis instructors with ZERO shame.

Oh, one more thing about Ramona.  I CANNOT believe her nerve to say the stuff to Dorinda about John.  I don’t think any viewer understands the relationship or thinks he’s a gem, but they’ve been together for 7 years and she is supposed to be one of her closest friends.  I can’t imagine saying that to a friend!

I understand Ramona getting pissed about the outside of the house and the state of their bedrooms – that is terrible and no manners.  But the kitchen….come on, you should have helped clean the kitchen before you left!

I can’t remember the time stamp they kept posting but I swear it was only like 9 PM and they were throwing tiki torches already.  The back and forth between the skinny dipping and fire launching in the backyard, and the “older” ladies conversation in the kitchen was a joy.
Sonja.  Bless her and her never ending one liners.  “I’m seeing double and feeling single.”
I swear I haven’t even thought of Bethenny which is really saying something. (well… barely thought of her.)

They all treat Leah like she has no manners but she is the ONLY one who was cleaning up that kitchen with a killer hangover.  Although…. she should be.  Maybe not the kitchen – that was all of them – but the tiki torches for sure.

Oh, and can this brunette friend of Ramona’s EVER go away?!
I swear I’m seeing her as much as the OG’s?! BYE.  I’d even rather see Tom or Harry than her!

Not much to report in this week’s episode with NYFW.
BUT Dorinda was on my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen’s WWHL
last night and it sounds like she confirmed she and John have broken up.  HALLELUJAH.

:: RHOBH ::
LAST WEEK :
PEE-KAY and Dorit.  I used to not be able to STAND her (though always appreciated her for the show) but dare I say she is growing on me?!  I was living for the scene when the producers confront them on the legal battles and there’s a LONG pause for a mint to compose themselves.  

I feel like nothing was still answered?!? Like, answering questions but not answering THE question that was asked?
The fact that the house is only in Dorit’s name shows there’s SUMTHIN going on.  That wouldn’t be happening otherwise. (I wish the producer would have answered “is your home in both of your names?” with the obvious YES. YES IT IS.)
Erica is very emotional not once but TWICE this week.
What is going on?! I like seeing her with her walls down this season, though.

Garcelle last week was OH SO GOOD. Finding out about her jackass ex husband.  She titled the email “What do tiger woods and (someone?!) and my husband have in common?!” to the whole COMPANY.  Bad.  Ass.
Set fire to everything.  Insane.  She’s amazing.

Teddi.  Oh, Teddi.  Every time I hear her tagline of “you never know what to expect, when I’m expecting” I say out loud OH GAWD. And this stupid retreat nonsense…..”come, don’t come, I don’t want you to come, come if you want stay or leave, I really don’t care if you’re there or not…..”
LOCK IT UP.
(if you’re new around here – I think Teddi is a lovely person.  But she does not work on this show.  At all.  And it’s only because she’s BFF with Kyle that she’s still here. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.) 

THIS WEEK:
It’s a mini lunch from hell with Rinna, Sutton, and Teddi. I can’t STAND Sutton, but MAYBE appreciate her for the show.  Time will tell.  She is truly TERRIBLE.  That being said, she is RIGHT about Teddi and this stupid invite.  Don’t extend an invite with “but I don’t care AT ALL if you come, don’t come whatever.”
That’s about the only thing Sutton is right about though.

Is Mauricio a big pot smoker and I had no idea until now?! I thought he seemed high shirtless in the kitchen pre-dinner party and then when he was sitting at dinner I realized he is DEFINITELY high.  But we’ll get to that…..

Kyle’s hair and makeup and earrings for this dinner party is nottttt her best lewk. They flash to her interview look and she is as gorgeous as ever, and then to the dinner party where she looks 15 years older.
ALTHOUGH….. Sutton’s bangs at the dinner whilst attacking Teddi were making me CRAZY. All I could think was TRIM THEM PLEASE THEY ARE IN YOUR EYE BALL.
(also – don’t think I don’t realize that as I judge these lewks I have 5 day old greasy hair and am in a bathrobe that needed to be washed 2 days ago.  Hypocrisy at it’s finest.) 

….but I digress…. I’m all over the place….
…… back to the dinner party I couldn’t get enough of…..

I really can’t with Sutton from the moment she enters a room. 
And as I said 2 week ago, don’t act like you’re classier than these women when you just joined a Housewives show on Bravo.

The “no this isn’t couture it’s off the rack I’m so trashy” comments. CRINGEY.  And sorry, but you can’t comment on the girls outfits from last week (or the first week was it?) if that’s what you’re going to show up wearing.  It may be Dolce, but as The Countess says “even {dolce} makes mistakes darling.”
Then she immediately shows how repulsed she is (for the second time) by a lack of place settings, by the host making a joke about sex, and by basically everything that happens.
Quit saying “I’m a polite person” when you’re the LEAST polite person in the room.
You think you are classy but as my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen would say SWEETIE…… no.
You may have money, but to quote the Countess for a second time, money can’t buy you class.

(How am I quoting Lu twice in one paragraph?! This is embarassing.)

Finally, we get to the game night portion of the dinner where everyone is saying cheesy meaningless nice things about the other person.  Sutton isn’t wrong to roll her eyes at it but it’s like, COME ON.  If 6 women just said something nice and you’re the new girl, JUST SAY SOMETHING NICE.  It’s reallllllly not that hard.  Sutton turns to Teddi with her comment of  “I thought you were boring……and UH then PREGNANT too and GOD HELP US.”
What a bitch!!!!

Teddi responds the only “chill” way she knows how which is crying.  I’ll give her a pass on this because of the pregnancy hormones, but Teddi.  Get a thicker skin.  And who cares what this monster thinks of you.
Faye’s face during the Sutton and Teddi exchange is priceless.
And Mauricio is a follow up to Faye as highlight in this dinner……

The conversation turns to Kyle asking Aaron about his “work” and WOWOWOW did I not see any of this coming.

  I am STILL confused about what I watched.  I do not understand.  We start off with hushed “be careful… we’re already being watched/followed/listened to…. We can’t talk about this” from Denise and I’m like WTF IS GOING ON?!
Then he talks about nuclear something or other and the space in atoms and electrons??
Mauricio chiming in with his “so much space, lots of space, tons of space…. Denise pass me all of your food…..” Is just SUCH A MOMENT.
I really need to re-watch this whole scene but there were comments of  “We all have cancer. Cancer is your friend. Without it you die in 12 hours.”  WHAT?!  I am so freaked out by what is going on.  What is all of this “she’s protected…. Denise is protected” chatter?
SOMEONE PLEASE EXPLAIN THIS TO ME.

This article in people has the entire exchange typed out word for word and I’m still like WHAT?!

Is it really not a possibility that the car following them could be PAPARAZZI?! Does Denise forget she is a celebrity?! And what did Aaron think of not being able to fix her hernias with all of his “no surgery” talk?!?
I am all about anything holistic so not knocking that aspect but I meannnnnn.  This entire exchange was mind boggling.

The only person following it was High as a Kite Mauricio, nodding along as he polished off Denise’s dinner.

PS. I miss Kim calling Mauricio “Maurice”.

Sutton makes sure to turn to Faye, Kyle’s best friend, and give a big eye roll and sigh and “GOOD GOD” on her way out the door to show how POLITE SHE IS.

:: Summer House ::
I don’t understand ALL these girls throwing themselves at Carl.
He is truly….. meh.
Other than his height… what is the appeal?!

I would think those skin tight white pants would keep the ladies at bay,
but apparently the girls with the “I’ll fix you” syndrome just flock to them like a flame.

I’m all about Paige calling out Lindsay for trying to stir the pot with her and Hannah.

Next week should be a great one, but I think it’s the finale!
I am SO stressed about what is going to happen in my life in a few months when no shows have been filmed!

:: Below Deck Med Trailer :: 
Below Deck Sailing Yatch needs to take some notes on how it’s really done.

I laughed a leeeeetle too hard at Adam hopping onto the beach this past week.  He and the chief stew are truly unbearable.

:: MAZEL OF THE WEEK ::
My mind is still very much focused on BH this week, so I’m giving it to Mauricio.  He was such a star this week.  And he wasn’t wearing THE AGENCY hat even ONCE in the whole episode (unless I’m just so used to seeing it that I didn’t even notice it?! I’m going to have to change the drinking game from THE AGENCY hat scenes)

OH. And also of course to my-boyfriend Andy Cohen because WWHL @ Home is JUST as incredible as it is in the studio and I need all the normalcy I can get these days.

:: JACKHOLE OF THE WEEK ::

Vicki is urging fans to boycott the RHOC now that she has FINALLY (pah-reach!) been booted from the show.

Ugh.  Vicki.  GOODBYE!
(has anyone listened to her podcast?! I’m tempted to listen to one episode just to hear what it’s all about, but I refuse to give her the satisfaction of even a single additional download! I would rather watch Danielle from NJ’s cooking show. 

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:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
my apologies for lack of weekly Coffee Talk like the good old days.
My little twin loves take after their mother and if the television is on their eyes are LOCKED and IN LOVE and want nothing else which leaves me little time for my beloved TV until late at night.
I’m also too tired to proofread my own nonsense,
so if it reads as though Teresa Giudice wrote it…….sorry not sorry. 

images from : bravo, giphy, us weekly, people, enews, reality tea, tenor