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The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

Lifestyle, Oufits

:: Birthdays + Friday Randoms + Link Love ::

April 27, 2018

Cheers to Friday!

I hope you all had a great week!

Mine was busy and fun-filled, so I will have this weeks Coffee Talk *hopefully* posted for you tomorrow! I still haven’t seen RHONY (cannot wait!) and Wednesday night I didn’t get home until late, so I will have it be a weekend treat for tomorrow!

I celebrated 3-2 yesterday.  I am NOT a “birthday person” and don’t care about celebrating, but it was so nice this year to enjoy some time with friends and family this week!  I think in the past 437 years I’ve been writing this blog I rarely have mentioned my birthday (in fact, 99% sure I didn’t ever mention it last year…. but again… I’m “old” so, can’t remember?!)
I decided to mention it this year because 1) this week has been a bunch of “crap I’m old” moments I wanted to share and 2) I’ve never been healthier, stronger, and felt more settled and content with life so I feel like it’s time to embrace (not necessarily aging) but at least celebrate another year!

Because don’t get me wrong….. I’m still wishing there was a 2 in front there….
not a 2-1 or a 2-5….. but like….. a 2-8 or a 2-9 would be great.

There are a few “I’m not a youngin’ anymore moments” from the past week I just feel the need to share.
You know….. a little SATC dinner moments :

:: I’m Old ::
featuring : a tween bachelor fan, a bout with backne, and books in large print

1. The Bachelor 
Last weekend, on the airplane home from visiting my friend, a sweet tween girl struck up a conversation with me.  She ignored the ear buds (no……even if I wasn’t’ listening to anything, no….) and complimented something (very nice of her….damn she trapped me!)  so we started chatting…. but I had already heard her chat her brains out to the woman on her left and say in the convo how she NEVER stops talking soooooooo clearly I was trying to stay out of it.) . Also, I took one for the team and sat in the window seat on our Southwest flight two days after THE horrible incident so I was trying to stay focused and stay alive.

ANYWAYS.  She then promptly asks “Do you watch the Bachelor!?” and I was like Ohhhhhh perhaps I should not have judged this tween so soon.
spoiler alert: no, I should have.
I thought, perhaps this will turn into a great conversation and it is my lucky day to be surrounded by a girl with similar interests to my own.  Ya know, a 16 year old genius that is flying to Atlanta for some business education conference.
So….she goes on this whole thing about everyone on The Bachelor – like, how do I explain this…..all of my paragraphs and 20 minute rambling Coffee Talks can’t possibly be as long as this speech kind-of-thing!?!  She kicks it off with having no idea who Arie was because she was too young (daggers to my reality TV hart and knife wounds to my age) and then goes into how in love she is with (names a bunch of people I don’t even remember).  ME.  I had to THINK of who she was talking about.  Andshe goes on and on about how amazing and in love this person is and that person and this person and I’m doing a HORRIBLE job of explaining this…. but…..
…….it made me realize that, in summary, Princess Jasmine and all the BIP losers all these freaks are like AN ICON to her and her friends.   And Dean and Lesley were” SO IN LOVE and how I want to feel about my future husband”.
This is one of the worst stories I’ve ver told (cough: there are plenty far worse) but really : it made me realize how sad and pathetic my love for these shows are BUTTTTT if made me greatly enjoy being old enough to realize that the people on these shows are NOT goals.

2. Adult Acne
I’ve never taken better care of my skin, I’ve never eaten healthier, and luckily I’ve never had an issue with acne…… until this past week.  Sure, I’ll get the occasional zit, even the occasional holy-crap-this-hurts or omg-its-got-its-own-zip-code, but just the occasional stuff.  Well…. my skin started to break out and I was like UGH WHY NOW do I get several zits….. but I let it be and use zit cream and tea tree oil and things to get it to settle down……
and then…..
My back is itching like crazy tuesday night and as I awkwardly attempt to scratch it (hashtag traveling husband problems) I feel bumps.  I’m like HELL. TO. THE. NO.
Backne is not entering my life! Especially right before swimsuit weekends. Plural.
So in the morning I am about to get in the shower and I turn around to look in the mirror and it’s like FIFTY little bumps all where my sports bra would be.  I told myself perhaps it was a rash, but then I had some on my chest, and then the pièce de résistance is like 4 on my ear.  MY EAR.  EAR. ZITS. But nothing has changed – no body wash, no laundry detergent, and I have always showered and removed my sports bra after a sweaty workout.
So…… nothing gets the spice into your marriage after a golf tournament weekend immediately followed by a big business trip than having your husband apply zit cream all over your back.
And to think…. he thought he was only going to get me in my button down long sleeve pajama top, pants, and matching robe. SUCH a lucky man.

3. I’m a moron. 
SO.  I ordered two more books for beach reads : The Last Mrs. Parish and The Woman in the Window.
One came this week and I was like OM-freaking-Gahhh this book is HUGE how am I EVER going to read all of this!? I flipped through it and just couldn’t believe how long it was.
Then yesterday, the second one came and I was like WHAT IS GOING ON since when are all of the major books SO BIG and why is no one sharing that all the popular books are  TWICE the size of regular books!!??
Again….. I flip through it.
And then it suddenly hits me.  I accidentally ordered both in large print.
Some background info: I have 20/20 vision.  I should have realized the books were in large print when I flipped through it the first time (slash when I saw that it had more pages that the Bible)….. but no…..
Ughhhhh.  I have no brain cells left!?
So I don’t know if I can return them to Amazon or not, but they are going to fill my entire carry on they are so huge.

I feel like I’ve just lost my mind….. the never eding cycle of this :  I walked into my bedroom and had no idea why I was there, and then back out to the kitchen and remembered why, and then back to the bedroom to get the thing because I remembered, did something else, then back into the kitchen and was like DAMMIT you didn’t even get THE THING you finally remembered you needed…..
….. my life is basically just repeating that same cycle over. and over. and over again.

So…..I’ve talked about all those supplements I take,
and one is to support brain health….. clearly THEY ARE WORKING WONDERS.

ANYWAYS.  I DIGRESS. HAPPY WEEKEND.

:: Favorite GIMME SOME SUN Outfit ::
I’m in love with this white tank!
And finally found some cheap cut offs ($20!) my behind can get behind! 
It has the front and back double V-Neck, super soft, perfect high/low cut, and all the fun tassels.
I know I’ll live in it this summer!
OH! And you can wear a full bra with it too that doesn’t show front or back despite the V..

// POM FRINGE TANK //
/ DENIM CUT OFFS //  sized up one in the shorts!
// MONOGRAMMED CLUTCH  // love all of the color options!
// POM EARRINGS, J.Crew, IDENTICAL and EVEN MORE AFFORDABLE!//

:: FAVORITE FINDS ::

I’ve eyed these shoes for so long, finally saw them in person, and am convinced.  I need them.  

O.M.G. Striped maxi love. 

The perfect circle straw tote. 

My favorite tie waist shorts. 

Tie back top with stripes!? All the summer goodness!! 

Business in the front, party in the back. I want this for a beach trip or casual summer wedding. 

All over eyelet? Yes, please! 

Lounge pants, grocery run pants, athleisure pants, pizza pants – any of the above! 

The perfect ladylike dress for weddings, celebrations, or just a night out with sandals. 

A sexy floral maxi. 

The perfect striped top for summer. 

Two perfect dresses I have lusted after for the second year in a row : this dress and this dress.  Gorgeous and so flattering!

A perfect day or night maxi dress. 

Adore these under $100 printed tie sandals. 

This beach cover up works just as well with a tank and shorts or jeans. 

Never met a scallop I didn’t like. 

:: LINK LOVE ::

I’ll have what she’s having (and by she I mean Christie Brinkley.) 

10 great at home self tanners. (I use #10 + #1, and have used # 8 and loved it too!)

If you’re all about the upcoming Royal Wedding and all things Royal, you may want to add this podcast to your list.

Joanna Gaine asparagus and fontina quiche. Yummy! 

How to use a sheet mask to learn more about your skin. 

by TheSarcasticBlonde 

About TheSarcasticBlonde

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next article: :: Coffee Talk 4.26.18 ::

Hi. I’m Taylor

A Southern girl turned Chicago transplant, recently settling back down in Atlanta. Fluent in sarcasm. Devout Bravo-holic and TV addict. Balances fitness with french fries. Penchant for Prosecco and Pinot Grigio. Wannabe Ina Garten in the kitchen. Online shopping enthusiast. Lover of fashion and decor.

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