The Sarcastic Blonde

:: Friday Things ::

July 29, 2016

Cheers to the weekend 🙂

I wanted to share one of my favorite dresses today {now owned by my mom, sister, and myself after we saw it on my mom!}

This Gingham Shirt Dress has a classic print and flattering cut that it works for any age.

It’s has a nice loose shirt-dress fit, so I wore mine with a belt to define my waist a bit more. With sandals and no belt it nicely becomes more casual.

I love it and know it’ll be perfect transitioning into the fall months too!!

it’s also currently 30% off making it under $90!!

// J. Crew Gingham Dress //

I went down a size since it’s loose fit in the midsection

if your size is sold out, they keep re-stocking! promise!

// Wrap Belt //

belt available in several different colors!!

They also have it in this adorable chambray

{ chambray shift dress }

and also in a crisp white (and black!)

{ white shift dress }

Spencer and Heidi Pratt are making the media rounds again.

This time basically talking about how they are poor, only make money though reality TV, and that Heidi had to take her FF implants out.

so basically nothing exciting and nada has changed, but there’s videos of the interview here

For some reason I have and always will have a fascination with Ikea.
the reason : it’s cheap and amazing. my dressers from there have lasted 8 years (knock on wood) and I still love them.

Here are 11 new products they are introducing, and a few years ago this free-standing closet would have been an immediate YES. and if I had space for it now, it still would be!

Buzzfeed always has the funniest articles as you know.

These hilarious Bachelorette tweets from this weeks episode are just as wonderful.

and trust me all of them are better than this one above 🙂

The Netflix Revival of Gilmore Girls is almost here!
The first sneak peek is out! (cue squeals of excitement!)

I never missed an episode, and then when Lauren Graham was on Parenthood it made me yearn for the Gilmore Girls days so badly!
It’s not out until November 25th though!
Argh!
Although that’s perfect in a way because I always think of winter and Christmas time when I think of the show.
I seriously was so in love with Dean…. and then kinda Jess, but no Dean for sure.

This may be the most expensive home in America (at $195 million…. chump change)
but I would much prefer Kourtney Kardashian’s Nantucket rental home for the summer.

jaw. on. floor.
I literally can’t even.
don’t worry, I did my research.
we can get it for the lowly price of only $7,000 per night.
so I’m thinking we get a group together and get this going people. for real.

happy weekend loves!
I’m lucky enough to get more lake time with friends this weekend and hopefully get Kipper out on his wake board to relive his younger years and glory days on the wake board team. No pressure.

ps. ever since watching the Gilmore Girls trailer I’ve been singing

“where you lead…. I will follow… (any) anywhere that you tell me to…. “

in my insanely-amazing-in-my-head-voice-that-in-reality-is-completely-tone-deaf and I think my husband is about to murder me.

I was totally supposed to be Lea Michelle in Glee but they wanted an “unknown” or something. Ugh. Whatever.

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

July 28, 2016

discuss amongst ya-selves……

:: bachelorette :: fantasy suites week ::

When Luke was sent home,

I never saw it coming.
(well…if they hadn’t shown us that she said “I think I have to say goodbye to luke” and just cut the To Be Continued before the rose ceremony, I never would have seen it coming.)
She was SO into him??!!

But I will say that Luke saying he “never got a chance to say I love you” is BS.

UM robby said it on the FIRST date, Luke. Come on. That’s how this whole thing works.

Also I had no idea until my friend just told me that Robby went to my high school.

My high school was not large. FAIL. I am such a moron. In all of my googling I never realize this?!

I just can’t stand Jordan. I want to shake Jojo and knock some sense into her.
Even on this date, he says nothing of substance when she’s practically begging him for it.
Jojo : Where do you see the next year, the future?
Jordan : Um. I don’t know.
Jojo: But like, whats the plan.
Jordan: Either get fame with you or fame as the next Bachelor.
SERIOUSLY GIRL. RUN.

If she picks him, no way will they make it down the aisle. No way.

Robby has his fantasy suite date, but before her date with Chase, Robby comes running back in.
He just has to see her! He got a taste of life with her! He saw her in PJ’s and just can’t breathe without her!!

ROBBY : YOU JUST BROKE UP WITH YOUR GF OF FOUR YEARS!

also, random note, jojo didn’t touch her breakfast with Robby but ate a bunch with Jordan.
thoughts on this? I have a lot and think it’s very telling….. but I’m crazy…. so I’ll hold back….

Jojo baits Chase into the fantasy suite and sits quietly until he has talked enough and talks his way into saying I love you.
The second he says it, she walks out. She has to think about how to dump him now that the producers got what they wanted.
Then she walks back in and BOOTS HIM. I mean….. this was COLD.
Chase’s reaction? Pure Gold. He calls her out on it and then on his way out to the van he

cracks a beer open, and says “oh is this the fantasy suite?!”
YES CHASE YES!

Now that is the way to leave a show! No tears for you!

At the “rose ceremony” even though there is only two , Robby and Jordan are simultaneously wiping sweat and putting a hanky back into their back pocket.

I’m shocked they could even fit a hanky in there – both of their pants are skin tight.
They must think Jojo is really into the skin tight pants like Ben wore last season.

Aw nevermind….. Chase came back and did a polite and sweet exit…. DARN.

next week :

MOM IS BACK! YEASSSS!

:: The Men Tell All ::

the level of ridulousness that these producers will sink to is just just so stupid.

chad has his own trailer, his own security guard that has to also stand next to the stage to watch him, and also a meat platter to eat.
alright chris harrison … lets get this 2 hour show that could easily be 45 minutes on the road.

Someone finally called out alex for his napoleon complex (santa? I think it was santa? Whom I like but SERIOUSLY don’t take your jacket off and try to fight Chad, simmer down) but UGH Alex. UGH.

I swear alex’s watch was a digital watch when they were interviewing chad and cut to him.
I SWEAR.

Wells says the only intelligent comment of the evening and said that the guys, in chads defense, did kind of “lord of the flies him”. I guarantee 70% of the bachelors had no idea what this meant, but Wells, I once again think you’re adorable and 10x better than half of these losers.

I don’t know whats wrong with me but I was finding Luke more attractive when he got sent packing and also when he did his interview at the Men Tell All. As you know, he does NOT do it for me. Maybe its because he didn’t cry like a baby in the limo when he got sent home? (FINALLY! Touche Luke!)

Jojo apolgized to Chase for sending him packing mere seconds after him saying I love you. Poor Chase, he thought they were about to take their shirts off and she sent him to the door. I for one am not sorry the cruel event happened because it was high-larious to watch him crush a beer and climb in the van saying “is this the fantasy suite?” Other than Derek crying with “Don’t Cry for me Argentina” it was the top move of the season.

Jojo gave the vague “Im really happy with where I am now” when Chris asked her, and I can’t tell if she was giving poker face to not reveal anything, or not that happy, because she didn’t look very happy?

and I’m sorry, she is THE CUTEST thing I have ever seen in my life. I have loved her – I want her hair and her face and all her clothes and all of it.

so the question remains… who will be the next bachelor?

Chad????

:: RHoMelbourne ::
IT’S BACK! Friday nights.
Last weeks intro episode was great – I really, really like the Melbourne seasons even though I have to rewind more often than I’d like to admit to understand what the heck they are saying.

and YES.
all three of the Everybody gif’s are necessary and will be here every week.
you’re welcome.

:: shah’s ::

seriously how are these people even friends with mike?

shouting “no wonder your husband left you” at your friends mom?

I actually no longer even feel bad for jessica because shes insane for putting up with you for 5 years she must have some serious screws loose.
he seriously makes me ill.

:: RHoOC ::

I’m not even discussing the sex ed convo in the costume store between david and his daughters

not. gonna. do it.

Heather – do you want “Chateau Dubrow” or do you want terry to be home?
Do you want a chef and to drink champagne while you watch a chef cook your dinner?
and WHO.CARES. if he’s working on mothers day?

I will never understand these things

you can’t have chateau dubrow with 5 different types of ice without Terry working

Man do the OC housewives love a theme party?

And why do I feel like they are never on a weekend, always on a work day?

(example with this one, Meghan has her IVF appt the next morning and something tells me that would be on a Mon-Friday? …. just wondering…. but I digress…)

who is this Nina person with her sequin jumpsuit and her tatas out saying all this stuff I can’t even write on the blog?!

I wish I could get a better image of Nina, she’s the TaTa’s on the left

at first I’m really enjoying drunk Kelly,

but then it takes a turn for the worst.

Kelly’s husband (who is getting stranger by the minute to me) in every scene this whole time just stands there with a frozen smile on his face

shannon gets so worked up she really get her “DAVID! DAVID!” act going

“DAVID she’s telling me that my outfit isn’t 70’s!”

“DAVID david david david

they are calling me dumb

david david DAVID

stuttering and finds her way back to DAVID! DAVID!”
I mean SHANNON really? Just say something to her yourself, why do you run to DAVID (to be read in shannon’s voice) when someone calls you dumb? Seriously?

Kelly jumps straight to “no wonder your husband cheated on you”

LADIES. Seriously these OC people are animals. They go straight for the jugular.

Then Kelly becomes an owl with the “you who you who you who” thing and my guess is she DID do something and has something to hide. She was PEESED when she saw that girl was there. Also, I’m sorry, you’re the new girl and you’re just walking in and getting wasted and going nuts on the host of the party? Not okay! You need to wait, like, at least a few more episodes before you can get wasted and ruin a housewives party! Come on!

And I’m hoping her husband is just as wasted too bc he’s just smiling and staring and I’m truly armed.

(editors note: I think I figured out one of the reasons he really creeps me out… I mean, other than the fact that his own wife refers to him as Hitler and was too scared to go through a divorce with him, because ya know, thats not scary at all.

I’m sure zero of you will know this, but there was an episode of The Blacklist where the killer they are hunting is bald and takes his victims and puts them in a bathtub and kills them by pouring the chemical that disintegrates them over them and I literally had NIGHTMARES about this guy. Similar to the nightmares about one character on Homeland (the guy that breaks the wine glass on the counter and then goes for someones neck and kills her with it). So…. now that I wasted your time and you still have no idea…. that is why he scares me even more, and I would google an image for reference but I do not need that mans face in my mind again).

AND THEN vicki calls Brooks!!??

she is acting like all of this has to do with BROOKS!

Is Vicki seriously the most delusional of them all???

:: Food Network Star ::

HOW did it take this long for Miami Housewife Ana to get kicked off?

Thank goodness she is finally gone . She was awful.
sorry, not sorry.

:: RHoNY ::

I Finally stayed up and watched one while I wrote this post so I’m current with the NY Housewives episode! So much happened I can’t even wrap my head around it -and between Dorinda, Ramona, and Sonja’s commentary I was laughing and loving it.

NEWS FLASH: Bethenny is still bleeding. If we didn’t talk about it enough the last two episodes, we’re going to kick off this week discussing it AND end tonight discussing it. It’s our lucky day!

wait, so because Bethenny can’t go to hawaii so NO ONE can go to Hawaii?

this is such BS I’m sorry.

I knew Bethenny had an obscene amount of power over bravo and my-boyfriend-andy-cohen but MY GAWD does seriously the WHOLE WORLD revolve around you??

I’d be mortified – truly embarrassed and upset – if a huge group of my friends didn’t go on the planned trip just because I couldn’t go. WTF?

Can we just give up with Tom? This is a nightmare!

It’s his 3rd NYC housewife, he was with Sonja for years, he was with Ramona right before, and it sounds like when LuAnn was Sonja’s roommate they were sleeping together and he didn’t even say anything?

This guy not only sounds like a letch but he sounds certifiably nuts.

He’s the new slade smiley – he just wants to be with a housewife.

And LuAnn is too busy smiling and laughing as if her engagement is so hilariously wonderful and entertaining she can’t even see what is right in front of her.

Oh, I’m sorry, we’re back to bleeding. At Bethenny’s apartment.
If I hear about bleeding one more time. i swear.

Quit sitting on your white sofa whilst talking about how much you’re bleeding.

Quit reading your e-mails from your doctor about how to deal with your bleeding while sitting on the white couch.

THAT’S ENOUGH
so bethenny’s doctor says oh no you can’t go to palm beach and then miami, that wouldn’t be good for the bleeding, but just miami, because thats totally different. your fibroids will know your geographic coordinates and will act up if they find out you are in an extra location for a day?

Forget Lu and Bethenny, everyone else should say fine see ya in later we’ll be in Hawaii.

LuAnn is acting so immature dancing around the yacht acting like her engagement is literally the best news the entire world has ever heard.

Sonja to the crew walking on the yacht “you’ll be happy you only have us for one night”
Hashtag I just love Sonja.

And everything Ramona did from start to finish and every word and action were just perfection – as in sheer lunacy – this whole episode.
Can’t wait for her to stir the pot throughout the engagement party talking about her own sexual relations with Tom the whole time.
CHEERS!

:: jackhole of the week ::

I literally haven’t seen this many scary movie commercials since October/Halloween and I just can’t deal

if they play one more for that movie “lights out” before I can plug my ears and say la-la-la-la to change the channel or fast forward Im never going to sleep at night again

they show stuff within the first 5 seconds and I can never get to the remote fast enough

:: mazel ::

bach in paradise AND bachelorette finale next week!!!

I can barely contain my excitement
And Bachelor Pad looks truly insane. I wish they wouldn’t give so much away in a preview so that we already know who couples up with who, but hey, you know I’m still watching!!!!

EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.

#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry

I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.

fashion, Lifestyle

:: wishlist wednesday :: under $100

July 27, 2016

lusts for the week…..

The Nordstrom Sale items have been selling out fast,

but I’ve rounded up some favorites that are still available!

and all under $100 !

{ wedge booties }

{ spanx leather leggings }

{ zella zip hoodie }

{ shift dress } also in back and pink

{BP Tandem Booties} available in four colors

** go up half a size, felt a little snug to me!

{ sweater coat }

{ ‘gotta have it’ v-neck tee } comes in tons of colors!

{ quilted jacket } in three colors

{ twist front jumpsuit }

{ faux leather trim trench }

{ layered split hem sweater }

{ faux leather drape front jacket }

health, Lifestyle

:: work it out ::

July 26, 2016

I got this pillow from a consignment shop last week

when I was in dropping some things off.

I am obsessed with it 🙂

One of my favorite things to look at on Pinterest or on other blogs is workout ideas, healthy recipe ideas, and general fitness plans and what people do in their personal lives to stay in shape.

I’ve been working the last two weeks at really getting back into a serious routine,

so I thought I’d put it out there to hold myself more accountable.

Also, people have e-mailed questions about this in the past and I’m trying to work on being more open on the blog and talking about my personal life more, so why not start now 🙂

I have done Tracy Anderson DVD’s and eventually her Metamorphosis DVD’s in the past, but I would always stop at some point and just do the treadmill with a mix of Tone It Up workouts and Popsugar videos and whatever else I could find online for free.

I finally decided to get back into the Metamorphosis workouts and ordered the Continuity DVD’s (The first Metamorphosis is for days 1-90 and I had done it sporadically for a long time so I finally switched to days 91+ and am sticking to the weekly schedule).

Her program is 30 minutes of muscular/strength training and 30 of dance.

The main focus is switching up the workout every 10 days so that you keep your muscles guessing and also so that you never build bulk – she’s all about long, lean, feminine muscles.

I was preferring to do a walk/run outside(lets be honest : walk) my first month here in Atlanta, but now it has gotten so hot that I’ve been following the cardio plan more closely and trying to push through the dance cardio. I’ve got to say, after about 2 weeks of it, I’m not hating the dance cardio as much as I used to (making sure I save a new Bravo show just for that 30 minutes has helped tremendously).

The last two weeks I have done 5 days a week of the toning and have been trying to do 4 days with 15-30 minutes of cardio – cardio is still the struggle.

I put my ClassPass on a one month hold for now – I wasn’t using it the way I did in Chicago, but hoping to get back to it for pure barre + other cardio classes soon.

In just 2 weeks I’ve definitely gotten a lot stronger and I’ve finally dropped a few pounds, which is something I’ve been unsuccessful with for the past year or so. It’s not that I’m not healthy or in shape, but my easy daily workouts and then eat whatever I wanted on weekends wasn’t working anymore. The weekend booze + food was slowly adding up instead of coming right off by Tuesday’s workout and clean eating like it had for years and years.

Hashtag this is 30 I suppose.

But it’s been amazing that in two weeks by doing this the pounds that weren’t coming off are seemingly coming off fairly easily again. I don’t want to jinx it – but one more month of this and I may finally be back where I always was.

The other change I started about 2 weeks ago was making a smoothie for breakfast.

I had tried this when we were engaged, but call me crazy I wanted to chew my food and it just wasn’t gonna happen.

Now, however, I am really loving my smoothies and if I am craving my usual yogurt and granola I have it after my workout or as an afternoon snack instead.

I think the smoothies have been a huge help in cutting a few pounds the last two weeks.

We got a NutriBullet and I really love it. It is much easier to make a smoothie than with our Ninja Blender – the Ninja personal smoothie cups were really small and it didn’t blend everything that well.

The NutriBullet leaves enough room for extra water or almond milk or ice so that you can get it to the consistency you want.

The smoothie I’ve been making has the following :

Spinach

1/2 of a Frozen Banana

Frozen Strawberries or Mix of Fruit

1 Scoop of Tone It Up Perfect Fit Protein (my favorite)

1 Scoop of Super Greens (I think this has helped a lot)

Handful of Chia Seeds

Almond Milk

Ice

I read about the Super Greens somewhere and decided to order them to try out instead of taking my daily probiotic pill in the morning. You definitely need to use something to help mask the taste (I wouldn’t recommend just ice and protein powder and the greens) but if you add fruit it does cover it up really well. Otherwise, a half of scoop instead of the full scoop definitely masks it more easily.

I’ll keep you posted on how things go over the next few weeks.

I know myself well enough to know I will not be giving up alcohol on the weekends or my Chik-fil-A or things like that. Life’s too damn short (slash pinot grigio and waffle fries are THAT good).

But my goals are to try to eat more real foods during the week, get a full 45 minutes to an hour a day of working out, and not consider the entire Friday night to Sunday night a free-for-all. I have gotten a lot better at making my own meals all throughout the week and eliminating as much processed foods as I can , so the weekend time will hopefully begin to slowly follow suit.

So, Some goals for the next 2 weeks :

Morning Workout = Tracy Strength Workout 5 days/week

Cardio Workout (Tracy or Otherwise) 30 minutes 5 days/week

Smoothie for Breakfast

Little to no prepared meals or fast food

Less dairy

Low carbs after lunch

I know I’ve talked about Tracy Anderson workouts on the blog before,

but my absolute favorite free arm workout of hers is this 8 Minute Arms with No Weights.

It was what got me hooked on her years ago – do it ever day for a week or two and I promise you’ll be amazed.

Health Magazine always has a lot of short workout videos of hers, and there’s also tons of other videos online for free too!

** update **

I had a question about how I do the dance cardio while watching TV at the same time:

I do the DVD on my laptop and then the TV right next to it watching my show. The dance cardio for Metamorphosis is just a lot of jumping around not anything choreographed so its easy once you’ve done it a few times to just glance over at the laptop and see if she’s switched to the next 8 count or something like that. Even if you aren’t a good dancer, you pick up on it quickly – and even if not, no one can see you and if you are behind or still doing the move from before it won’t matter 🙂

The link below is to a 15 minute cardio of hers that is similar to the DVD

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9UtEdFcN60k

Hope this helps! Let me know if you have other questions!

Lifestyle

:: monday things ::

July 25, 2016

Hope you all had a great weekend!!

We left Friday afternoon to go up to Lake Keowee in South Carolina with friends and got back late last night.

It couldn’t have been a better weekend – perfect weather and tons of boat time both Saturday and Sunday.

The lake was gorgeous – I love Michigan but this may have been the prettiest lake I’ve been on yet.

Most of the pictures are all on my friends phone so all I have is this one from the boat of the golf course with the vineyard surrounding it. Gorgeous would be an understatement.

hopefully I’ll have more photos to share soon!

Some things catching my eye this morning

{while trying to keep my eyes open. Of course after getting home around 10 last night I had to stay up and watch the 2 hour of Big Brother I had missed and goodness it was worth it! }

If you don’t like Fixer Upper, I don’t even know who you are. Even my husband likes watching it – Chip’s antics probably have a large part to do with that.

Here is a link for Joanna’s favorite paint colors used on the show.

Her island in her own home is one of my favorite things they’ve done – I love anything with a quatrefoil and would love to recreate this one day.

For some reason there is no mention of my favorite Fixer Upper Drinking game amongst all of the paint color discussions :

They say “SHIPLAP”, and of course, DRINK!

From the same website where I found my ah-mazing curling iron comes this hair brush that straightens your hair. I know it sounds too good to be true, but watching the video, I am sold. Also, I know first half they recommend great products.

It looks like there is a waitlist currently, but they usually restock fairly quickly! And it’s under $60 which is just too good to be true.

update : just found it available HERE for about $15 more!

J. Lo turned 47 this weekend and had a bash in Las Vegas after her show.

FOR-TY-SE-VEN! How does she look like that?!

Sorry I’m not sorry, I worship her.

I HAVE to get to Vegas to see her perform!!

I’ve been lusting after these Kiini crochet trim bikinis that come in a million colors, but just can’t justify the price.

I love the one shoulder top and the one-piece style too.

I came across this knock-off version for about $25! They have lots of different colors and styles too!

don’t forget, Bachelorette & Men Tell All are back tonight!

friday randoms, Lifestyle

:: FRIDAY LINKS ::

July 22, 2016

image

Cheers to Friday!

I love when science confirms that we make great choices for our marriage . Happy hour tonight at 5 it is 🙂

I love spaghetti squash and this Tomato Basil Cream Sauce is just 5 ingredients in a blender and looks SO yummy.

This dress is under $50 and so stinking cute. I want the bright pink color!

What You Fear The Most Based On Your Zodiac Sign.

mine was completely100% SPOT ON !!

I have been drooling over this vintage looking luggage but with the durability of the plastic hard shell.

All sizes and colors are on super sale right now!

Speaking of luggage, This Bucket List For Travel Before Starting a Family is incredible.

The Nordstrom Anniversary sale is FINALLY public to EVERYONE!

See my posts for lots of my favorites HERE and HERE,

{and a post with what I ordered and loved HERE}

If you haven’t checked out the sale, head over because things can and do sell out and sizes go quickly!

We”re off to South Carolina for a weekend at the lake!

Have a great weekend !!