discuss amongst ya-selves…… 

:: DANCING WITH THE STARS ::
As you know, this is my secret favorite show ever.  I feel like the younger folk don’t watch this show, and they are definitely missing out.  But maybe in recent years the young audience has grown because they have younger contestants and have really sexed it up?  But if you don’t watch, it’s incredible.  I love the professional dancers so much and they are so talented.
I am so surprised at how many of the ‘celebrities’ are good dancers this year!
Nick Viall, the man that won’t leave America’s living rooms,  didn’t do as poorly as I had expected; in fact he did pretty well. Uh oh.  He may be around for awhile.

Erika Jayne did a good job with the choreography, but it wasn’t ballroom at all. I guess the rest of America that doesn’t watch Real Housewives (which is…..who???) needed to be introduced to Ms. Erika Jayne, but I want to see some ballroom!  The big surprise of the night for me was Grandpa Rossi! He was so good! He is just adorable.
I think I’m going to really like this season (most obvious statement ever because I love every season)

:: VANDERPUMP RULES ::
We’re back at wedding weekend!
Jax couldn’t think of anything “more worse” than Tom’s brothers missing their flight. The montage of wondering if “more worse” is a word was truly hilarious.  And very sad.  But mostly hilarious.

Scheana must be recording some of her diary/confessional sessions post divorce-filing because she is finally acknowledging that Shay is “off”.  I mean, what is her definition of off? Off more than usual?  How can you ever tell with him? He is always not speaking or mumbling a few select words and then back to not talking.

The pre-rehearsal dinner activity for the wedding : TUBING.
I want to make fun of it, but I can’t, because as trashy as it may be, in reality I would still love being a guest at this wedding.

The rehearsal diner : TACO TUESDAY.  Again, I want to make fun of this, but I can’t and I would love to be a guest at this wedding.
Stassi is still the queen of It’s My Birthday/It’s All About Me and she wonders if she is mentioned in the wedding vows.  Following these “focus on Stassi” comments they play a video montage of the previous four years and their relationship involving screaming crying fights between her and Katie/Tom.

Back to the rehearsal dinner….(OH! and the triplets made it! and then were dressed by Tom Sandoval and somehow look straight?!)
Scheana is sitting with Manager Peter who asks where her husband is.  She replies, so seriously as if it is totally normal during a rehearsal dinner : “Oh, he went upstairs he wanted to lay by the fan.”
I took a photo of my TV because I was hysterically laughing at this and knew it would be nowhere for me to find on the internet.

I only wish I could have made it a gif where the oscillating fan was rotating.  I really just can’t with Shay.
And I take back what I said above about Scheana finally acknowledging what’s going on in her marriage, because now it’s back to pure denial.  She is talking to LVP about how they are “amazing” and “giddy” and “the spark is back and it’s the best they’ve ever been.”  This makes me so sad.
PS.  Just to clarify, no judgement to Scheana keeping what’s going on in her marriage private. She has every right to and she should.  It’s just so awful to watch when you know what the end result is.   It’s like Camille Grammer season 1 of RHOBH when you know that Kelsey leaves her for the other woman, and you have to watch the horribly uncomfortable scenes before it happens. Plus, Scheana really is a nice person so it’s 10x worse than if it happened to one of these other Mean Girls.

LVP ironing is a full scene of the show.  Ken just HAS to photograph it because this is just asinine! How dare she ever have to touch an iron! This is the last season of RH of BH version of LVP that drives me nuts.  Just use the iron and LOCK IT UP!

Next week, the finale and the wedding.   And Scheana finally talking about Shay.
and most importantly, then the reunion!  And apparently Shay comes to the reunion and my-boyfriend-Andy-Cohen said on WWHL it was extremely uncomfortable.  I can only imagine!

:: Real Housewives of Beverly Hills ::
There is just SO much that happens this week and I don’t even know what to say about it.  So I’ll probably say a bunch, but wish I was saying 10x more, because I am so conflicted and so much happened that I’m a bit flabbergasted?!

So, we’re back on the boat in Hong Kong, discussing the Xanax smoothies and everyone is  jumping on Dorit. 
Erika and Dorit are back and forth about talking too much versus not talking enough, and you say boring sheyite I say important sheyite.  Verdict: Uh, Erika is correct of course.

Then suddenly we’re off the Xanax smoothie and back on to panty gate! I can’t keep up! And I really can’t believe we have been talking about panty gate since episode one.
No surprise, Rinna feels the need to jump in and get super crazy when honestly she needs to just sit there and keep her lips SHUT. And she adds in flipping the bird to really get her whole body into it.

My most important and favorite thing of the whole boat scene :  Eden is wearing a horrible black wig (for no reason?) and has her lips pursed this whole time just sitting on the end in silence.  I don’t know why but it cracked me up.  Everyone is involved and talking and it’s like she’s not even there. So much so that when Erika starts crying and Eden is shown before they get off the boat, they put a note with “Eden” underneath it.  In case no one knew who it was. It really cracked me up.

Why are we always, every episode, discussing Dorit being away from the kids and just dying over it? Every damn episode! It’s like she pulls out of the driveway, pulls out her phone, and calls a nanny or a chef or someone to discuss how she’s just dying inside being away!

These glass bottomed gondolas are incredible, as is watching these women traipse around in their designer duds and heels under ponchos.  They make it to the Buddha in the pouring rain, praying for peace and calm between the women.
Sorry Buddha…. I don’t think even you can tame this storm.
spoiler alert: Buddha does NOT, in fact, tame the storm. It gets way worse. 

The ladies head to dinner…. and we all know how Bravo Vacation Dinners go!
Dorit has a moment of amnesia a-la-Rinna regarding panty gate and Rinna is just shocked! Um. Pot, meet kettle! “I find it hard to believe you don’t remember” RINNA. PUH-LEASE.  Neither of you have that as an excuse. (insert LVP barking: OWN IT. OWN IT.)

And then it all spirals so fast I don’t even know what just happened before my very eyes.   I really need to re-watch it to get it all straight.  But I did grasp that Rinna is insane and needs to be part of none of it. Really, as Kyle says, why can’t she keep her big lips shut!?
Rinna asks if Dorit trusts her husband PK, because why else would this all of started and what does she care if PK saw Erika’s lady bits.  And I agree with Kyle, how can she go there when bringing the husband into it has been a huge source of anger and resentment with Kim.

Erika is upset because it should be about her husband and what she has to explain to him. And then it quickly spirals even further. Eileen says it’s not like she killed your child, and though she profusely apologized for her words and is the closest friend of Erika’s there, Erika will not let it go and keeps taking it further.  and further.  and further. And crying.  A lot.  Like no Erika we have ever seen before.

Poor Eileen.   (on WWHL Erika says she knows Eileen had no ill intent and that she overreacted. Phew!)

How does Rinna end up all the way on the other side of the table consoling Erika? It’s like she has to RUN from each crazy moment to the next because it can’t possibly not involve her for 5 seconds.  And THEN (editors note : I’m exhausted) Rinna needs to ask one more question to make sure this is a “dinner party from hell”.  She asks Dorit if when she was left at the dinner table for everyone to “freshen up” if they were doing cocaine.
My. God.  I am already dreading Rinna at this reunion.  Will we have fake storming off the set like last season? Or worse?
When they cut to Rinna alone at the dinner table with that old man, I agree – that is weird.  EVERYONE is gone.  But no part of me thinks that she has anything to do with drugs or cocaine.  WHAT? Such a ridiculous accusation and so Rinna.  She literally will say or do ANYTHING.  How did we get to this point, from season 1 Rinna being so fun?  #IMissSeasonOneRinna

:: Erika’s former Husband ::
This article really surprised me about Erika’s former husband.  He seems… um… skeezy. And I am shocked he is allowed to use her photo for any of these things.  I’m wondering if this is all truth or just made up?

:: SWEET HOME OKLAHOMA ::

I’m trying to watch as I type this, but it’s getting difficult.  I feel like it isn’t good?  I feel like it could be good because they seem like fun women who don’t give a damn, but it’s kind of all over the place. I am enjoying the random Oklahoman’s being interviewed and their answers.  I’m going to have to watch later this week it’s too difficult to find and edit my 457 typo’s in this post with this show on.

:: MAZEL OF THE WEEK ::
I have never seen Real Housewives of Potomac, and don’t intend to start.
But Bravo’s commercials for the new season really had me laughing with the “Return of the Mac” song.
of course it is nowhere on their website : / sorry.
but they play this song “Return of the Mack” and I just had to slow clap for it.
also, this song is a perfect example of me NEVER knowing words to songs because I had no idea he said Return of the Mack.  So thank you Bravo for educating me as always. 
But I love what Bravo has done with their new way of advertising/commercials for their programs.  The new NY Housewives and Southern Charm commercials have been great too.
so to the few of you that watch as much Bravo as me, hopefully you know what I am referring too 🙂

:: JACKHOLE ::
Im rooting for you Lindsay, but this show, and especially this commercial for it, is horrible.
The Anti Social Network.

Is this real ?
Watch the trailer for the show here.
I’d much rather have another Oprah Intervention if we’re talking about Lilo and Reality TV…..

Editors Note :
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.
#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snaochats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day, and likely won’t do the next day either.  Or the day after that.