discuss amongst ya-selves…. 


my apologies for such a tiny coffee talk today,

and he has lovely taste in women, courtney “small mouth”, and now kris. 

Joe Jonas opened up and told some ah-mazing stories to New York Magazine.
basically he and all of the Disney kids are sluts and druggies.
shocker.

best line of the article
“I felt special to date someone famous.”
oh god…. you and Taylor are made for each other. 

I attempted to do fashion-ish posts, 
but the iPhone photography in the random corner of my apartment because it is freezing outside didn’t quite look so pretty.
shocking, I know. 
I did finally break out the two items I’ve been saving in the closet since last winter: 
the boots and the fur vest. 

 the pictures the man friend took were so hideous that I just can’t post any of them.
the best beauty shot was the one below when he was pissed and hungry.  

and I know what you’re thinking…. and I agree, minus the sweet part.

{adam brody on new girl as jess’s ex boyfriend? yes please!} 


while on the subject of furs,
if you aren’t following me on instagram you are missing out on gems like this 

Luck was on my side Sunday people, and this  was on my flight. 
if only I got a shot from the front of his incredible hair and gold chain. 

 oh of course! because that’s what we all do…. lay naked in the tub and have conversations with our girlfriends.  all. the. time.  

what?? how did the rest of that meal go? 
actually, probably pretty well, because I’m guessing the “I’m tipsy you’re driving me home” comment was code for “now we’re just back to friends with benefits so let’s go to my place”. 


the lady closeness continues with Carlton,
who clearly bats for both teams. 

WE GET IT.  
you like hot women.  you are 99% sleeping with your blonde nanny. 
you clearly are more than friends with these people.


and last night’s episode…I mean. I can’t. 
brandi and carlton go lingerie shopping together, because that’s what people who have met two times do. obviously. 

because why not – what better way to get to know someone!
first the naked bathtub scene and then that. 
are straight men setting up these scenes or something??
where are you andy cohen??!!} 

The highlight of the episode of course is that we learn more about where Carlton draws the line and is freakin’ bloody offended dammit! 
or as she would phrase it,
Things that Bloody F***ing Disgust Carlton: 

1. do NOT ask her a question.  that’s not how you get to know someone! you don’t invite people to your home to have them speak to you! 
2. do NOT ask if she practices witchcraft, even if the answer is a resounding yes and she used to be “on the dark side but would never do that again because she has children” and therefor that is her having high freaking standards! 
3. do NOT sit at the head of a table. that is repulsive.  even if there is a table setting there and nowhere else for someone to sit because that’s the only available chair, only bloody pigs sit at the head of a table.  so bloody arrogant! 

4. do NOT ask someone a question about religion.  even if there are 476 crosses in their home! what is wrong with you people! that is the most offensive thing in the world! However, saying C U Next Tuesday is completely acceptable! In fact, if it comes from the mouth of a hot girl, it is quite the complement. 
5. do NOT talk about the size of your husband’s nether regions. that is repulsive! however, let me hypocritically clarify for all to know that “mine is hung like a donkey”.  but don’t you dare talk about the size of men’s things you disgusting women!!! 

and that concludes this week’s lesson in
things that bloody f***ing disgust carlton. 

and how the hell did I forget to mention Yolanda and Gigi.
{the name Gigi comes out of her mouth more than anything else}.  
Life lessons from Yolanda:

When you feel like you are about to pass out from the master cleanse diet,
chew an almond.
very, very slowly!!! 
all better. 
I need her to adopt me 2 months before our wedding and just kick my ass. 

I mean….. seriously. 

and second, Lily from Shah’s of Sunset
for wanting us to feel sympathy for her not being able to gain weight.

She was at 97, and wants to be at 103!! 
Life is sooooo hard. 

  
Imagine what she weighs without the breast implants and weave?
Good Lord.