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The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

coffee talk, Lifestyle

coffee talk

November 14, 2013

discuss amongst ya-selves…. 

RHOBH was so damn good this week I could hardly stand it. 
My distaste for Carlton from episode one grows. 

How many F bombs is she going to scream with her children in the room? 


watch your f’ing fingers dammit!!! put down the f’ing knife!!! 

I don’t care if you daughter has only dropped the F bomb once.  
um, congratulations??? 
You are trash, lady!! Trash! 
The only silver lining is that she didn’t scream F’ING RUN at them while she made them go through boot camp workouts in her backyard. Good Lord. 

Then she goes on to explain how she met her husband.
Insert romantic story?
Almost!
Insert story about punching another woman in a bar, and a joke about your husband being turned on thinking about a beating in the bedroom. 
Trash I tell you!


and THENNNNNNN
during Kyle’s luncheon when the first hair war of Kyle vs Joyce is occuring, 
she is SO offended when a bee, which 2 of them are allergic to, is killed.

alright.. so we know where to draw the line with Carlton:
a. making a face when you learn her hideous children’s names and b. killing a bee instead of going into anaphylactic shock.

plus, she showed up with scotch,
which I just think is a bad idea when you have bulging bicep arms and a deep voice like that.
just sayin’. 

Moving on. Lyme disease or not, I once again want to be Yolanda this season.
First it was because of her I’m superior attitude walk in fridge and her lemon trees.

Now, I want to be her so I can have someone dividing beverages into Fji water bottles wearing latex-free medical gloves for me.
 (but with a little more cosmopolitan or vodka tonic, and a little less master cleanse). 


I could not contain my laugher during Kim and the dog trainer scene.


I was seriously laughing so hard that I had tears in my eyes when her and her son are screaming “SIT KINGSLEY SIT!!! SIT!!! SIT!!! ” and bumping the dog back and forth between their thighs.
It was identical to the Night at the Roxbury. 

My review on RHOBH so far: 
Fine holiday fun.  2 enthisastic thumbs up. 

I love me some Marky Mark (via)


I especially love him when he bashes one of the most obnoxious people on the planet – Tom Cruise. 

Ah! Zac efron fell and broke his jaw! Poor thing. 
This is just not his month. 


let us pray:

dear lord,
please don’t say this fall affected that beautiful face. 
amen
–the world

someone needs to lock this man up in a looney bin (via)   


I was obsessed with Annie as a child. (via) 
I think I watched the movie version at least 150 times.
How the hell does Cameron Diaz translate to Ms. Hannigan?? 
What???? Are you serious?? 

I just can’t handle how perfect these two are. (via) 
well……other than the fact that he’s an ass who gets with giselle while his ex is preggo. 
but he’s so pretty, so for the sake of this photo, we’ll forget that for a moment.
I mean, is this real life? 
Because I want it. 

Another INSANE dance on DWTS: 

 

fast forward to 1:45 

This week’s Jackhole of the Week goes to…….  

Bruce’s Ponytail. 
The world has had ENOUGH. 




by TheSarcasticBlonde 

About TheSarcasticBlonde

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Related Posts

  • :: coffee talk ::
  • :: COFFEE TALK 6.22.17 ::
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  • coffee talk
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next article: friday randoms

Comments

  1. Amy Florez {Baby Mama Juice} says: November 14, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    This is the best Coffee Talk ever! OMG. Made my day. All of it! I love you for the Karen Walker gif. She's my hero.

  2. CLP says: November 14, 2013 at 3:44 pm

    No one will be better at Miss Hannigan that Carol Burnette. So Cameron Dias may as well stopy trying and instead forcus on making the floor of the movie set 'shine like the top of the Chrystler Building….."

  3. Kelsey | Southern in Love says: November 14, 2013 at 3:49 pm

    If it makes you feel any better, I read something redeeming about Tom Brady (I guess?). Apparently him and baby momma had broken up before she found out she was pregnant and he didn't get back with her just because she was pregnant, which is probably better in the long run, right?

  4. Tess says: November 14, 2013 at 3:55 pm

    Honestly, I was crying throughout this post. You are hysterical.

    Couldn't agree more with…everything….but the dog scene with Kim and her son? I mean, that is what dreams are made of. I had to rewind it like 32 times because I just hadn't had a better laugh in years.

  5. Anne says: November 14, 2013 at 4:41 pm

    i feel like i just want to stand and slow clap for your with every week's coffee talk. bravo miss lady. bravo.

  6. Laura {happily ever} Parker says: November 14, 2013 at 5:52 pm

    Oh I need to watch RHOBY still! I am all about Vanderpump Rules right now!

  7. Jerp says: November 14, 2013 at 9:16 pm

    You left out my favorite part from RHOBH…when Lisa and Ken kept saying urinal, except apparently in the UK it's pronounce ur-EYE-nal. I was like "what the hell are they talking about?….Ohhhhh, urinals!" Maybe they should name their gay garden club Ur-EYE-Nal instead of Pump. Just a suggestion.

  8. Linda {Calling it Home} says: November 14, 2013 at 10:55 pm

    I really wanted to do a post about what an ass Tom Cruise is for saying that, and so many other things. Way to go Marky Mark. My husband is a Patriot's fan and I never let him forget that man who has babies with everyone. Love RHOBH.

  9. Original Girl says: November 15, 2013 at 1:36 am

    Hilarious post! Did you catch on RHOBH Gigi telling Yolanda how weak she felt and all she has had to eat was half an almond? I mean really!

  10. Jenny Broussard says: November 15, 2013 at 3:25 am

    hahaha agreed. best coffee talk ever. I am dying

  11. Natalie {Designer Bags and Dirty Diapers} says: November 15, 2013 at 12:44 pm

    Omg I want to punch Carlton in the face she is so miz!! and the F bombs were ridiculous mother of the year right there. Bruce's pony tail is as sad as his plastic surgery. I want to be Giselle and Tom seriously, they look flawless all the time.

Hi. I’m Taylor

A Southern girl turned Chicago transplant, recently settling back down in Atlanta. Fluent in sarcasm. Devout Bravo-holic and TV addict. Balances fitness with french fries. Penchant for Prosecco and Pinot Grigio. Wannabe Ina Garten in the kitchen. Online shopping enthusiast. Lover of fashion and decor.

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