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The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: COFFEE TALK ::

May 22, 2015

discuss amongst ya-selves…… 
   
:: the bachelorette :: 

so britt got axed.  no surprise there.  
the two bachelorette thing was such a waste and such a stupid concept. 
I’m not a kaitlin fan either, but she is better than britt as a choice. 
would I love to hang out with britt if I were one of the girls in the house during a season of the bachelor? hell yeah I’m sure she’s fun as heck especially when trapped in the middle of nowhere iowa with farmer chris as the bachelor…. however, watching her as the bachelorette? eh. no. 
soooo I can’t wait to watch all season obviously 🙂 
ok so there is just SO much to say that I am probably going to have to start doing a separate post entirely for The Bachelorette.  I forget how into it I always get.  I even called my mom mid-episode during a commercial break on the first night when we were both watching it live to discuss how AWFUL all of the “most eligible” men were (and we don’t watch TV live, and we don’t talk during shows…. the second is an unspoken thing that I think just stems from the fact we need to digest all the info and get our commentary on point before debating).
they are truly the MOST disappointing group they have ever had on, as in chris harrison “MOST dramatic rose ceremony” but with truth behind it. 
so…. even if you didnt watch this week, I’m sure by now you have heard that they show some scandalous scenes for the coming weeks.
I’ll jump right to it like she did : she has sex with one of the men, and there are enough bachelors left that this is before the fantasy suite week or anything like that, so she has to confess it to all of the men she is still dating after it happens. 
let me just say this : 
I had a paragraph of things to say but I deleted it. it got a little crazy.
if Bob Guiney and the rest of the male bachelors that are dating multiple women for weeks on end can keep it in their pants until the final 3 fantasy suite week, I THINK YOU CAN TOO SWEETHEART. 

:: southern charm ::
this weeks episode kicks back off in jekyll island where we catch wind of thomas being accused of assault.  but of course! 
thomas pushed kathryn’s friend/stylist or closed her arm in a door or something.
thomas calls kathryn desperately like “I NEED YOU, cough to come clear my name cough” when all he has done all season is look like the epitome of a hangover from hell while ignoring her (how terrible does he look in his confessional things? wow) 
Kathryn takes it like a true 23 year old stays and drinks with her friends.
(I meannnnn wrong, but I dont blame her.)
T-Rav, a 58 year old former state senator, decides HE HAS HAD ENOUGH and proclaims their relationship is DONE on The Facebook.


Seriously. You read that correctly.  58 year old politician ends relationship with mother of his child in an angry FB rant.  this show is just too good. 
the election is clearly lost for T-Rav this time…. he just didnt think it was going to be lost by 96%.  youch, that had to sting. 
cameron and craig show up to the “fundraiser fail” party, which is a huge open party room at the top of a restaurant ready and waiting for about 200 and they are the only two to walk in.  
but don’t worry! more people show up! 
like 15….. so it totally got better.
whilst T-Rav is giving his failure speech, KATHRYN STORMS IN ON CUE (and ON POINT) and sits in the front row with her tight lip “I’m gonna kill someone” scowl she has mastered this season.
GIRL IS SO GOOD AT THAT FACE.
then Landon says something and Kathryn goes postal and it is just amazing.
next week is the season finale with the clip they have been playing all season of kathryn chasing thomas down the boardwalk.  I will be so sad when this season is over. 

:: amazing race ::
I cried, and not a single tear, like……. cried while eating breakfast and watching the finale last weekend.  

The team I had rooted for and that totally deserved to win actually won. 
When does that ever happen? I couldn’t believe it.


:: shahs of sunset ::

the bikini bod cover-up AND flaming hot cheetos? pah-reach.


reza calling off the wedding and then going to thailand with all of his gang was a leeeeeeetle insensitive. it’s only “sex and the city” when you are the one being dumped and when you’re there you’re depressed as hell. but whatever I still love him so we’ll pretend it was mutual. 
also, bobby + asifa just need to break up. again. but they’re both so pretty so for the sake of looks maybe they should stay together? it’s a tough call…… 

 :: real housewives of melbourne ::   last weeks episode
there were so many great quotes this week. 
janet: I have become very well versed in erectile dysfunction medication.



Pettifleur (ugh) hires chyka for her 50th birthday party and wants a winter wonderland theme. the day of the party, she hates the STUNNING entryway of flowers into her apartment.  they were so beautiful.  proves pettifleur wouldn’t know anything tasteful or good looking if it was surrounding her. 

I was halfway watching the episode while I was browsing the internet on my computer when the next quote was said by gamble and I laughed so hard 
gamble, about the entrance into the party with the faux snowflakes falling everywhere  
gamble : so I was walking through the ejaculating forest 


and once again I thought “did someone spike my drink? do I like gamble!?!? that was hilarious!?” but then I kept watching and realized, no, I was just temporarily insane and she temporarily had a personality. 
pettifleur : tonight I’m doing the rumba at my birthday party…. I’ll be jumping off of a sparkling moon.  It’ll be sexy and spicy and those bitches are going to melt.  I want to give those bitches something to look at!
SHE DRIVES ME INSANE. 


jackie yelling “very couture! very couture!” in the background while her tush and lady bits were hanging out in front of her son doing a samba was a great way to finish up the episode. 
THIS SHOW IS AMAZING. 
 ah! all of my shows are ending for summer hiatus and I can’t stand it! 

:: RHONYC :: 
this whole “going to an amateur boxing night” and getting saliva hurled on you is disgusting and stupid.  the bar they went to afterwards (and ordered green tea and steamed vegetables and gluten free beer) looks like one of the bars we used to hang out in in college.  except we were probably still underage and STILL knew how to order properly in a dive like that. (25 cent beers and lemon drop shots thank-ya-very-much.)


why is this entire episode Bethenny therapy hour and family drama that “she doesn’t share with people” yet we have to watch her share for 45 minutes? “I don’t tell people about these things.” UM. YOU ARE TELLING THE ENTIRE WORLD (you could argue it’s not the whole world, but the whole world should be watching Bravo if they aren’t). 
newsflash : you also shared it when you were originally on the show, in your book, and on all three seasons of your personal bethenny show, and likely on your talk show. just sayin’
“I like to hang out with people that know my story so that I don’t have to talk about it.”
uhm, then don’t joint he housewives to hang with a bunch of women that are strangers and talk about it for an entire episode while the rest of us like me at home with nothing better to do have to watch it and wish they had an IV drip of ramona pinot grigio in their arm in order to get to the end of the episode in hopes someone else’s story line will come on.

editors note : am I the QUEEN of a run on sentence with annoying CAPS LOCK or what? 

ugh  I have had to delete so many ugh’s with 97 H’s after them about this episode/this season.
i’ve decided that without Dorota being a tough bitch and sonja being certifiably insane this show would be nothing.  luckily my-boyfriend-andy-cohen is giving us some good old fashioned original OC Housewives in the coming weeks.  
he spoils me like that, what can I say. 
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  
#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.



by TheSarcasticBlonde 

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Comments

  1. Wendy H. says: May 26, 2015 at 7:14 pm

    Hey Taylor! As always, I love your posts and Coffee Talk is definitely my fav. Just wanted to say that I'd always heard that Bob Guinea slept with more women than any other Bachelor ever had: 5 or 6? I guess that fact just didn't leak prior to the season airing and/or he didn't feel bad about it.

  2. Catherine says: May 27, 2015 at 2:17 pm

    Did you also notice that T Rav used the word corroborate incorrectly in his FB post ? That cracked me up – what a dumbass! Anyway, love your blog – your coffee talk posts always crack me up!

  3. rox says: May 31, 2015 at 8:42 pm

    SO UPSET Southern Charm is over (minus the reunion). Just got back from Charleston. No sightings, however.

    OMG – DITTO. The couple that I want to win the Amazing Race NEVER WINS, so imagine my surprise when the team I adored won!! WOOT!! FINALLY!!!

Hi. I’m Taylor

A Southern girl turned Chicago transplant, recently settling back down in Atlanta. Fluent in sarcasm. Devout Bravo-holic and TV addict. Balances fitness with french fries. Penchant for Prosecco and Pinot Grigio. Wannabe Ina Garten in the kitchen. Online shopping enthusiast. Lover of fashion and decor.

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