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The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

coffee talk

:: coffee talk 7.22.21 ::

July 22, 2021


talk amongst ya-selves……… 

:: RHOBH ::

Beverly Hills is officially the best show on television right now.  Between watching the news drop regarding Tom/Erika week after week and Kathy Hilton simply being on screen, it is the show I look forward to most every single week.
Kathy Hilton Kathy Rhobh GIF - KathyHilton KathyRhobh RealHousewives GIFs
A few more favorite Kathy moments from the last two weeks of the show : her having everyone come play tennis and film at her house while she sleeps in then greets everyone in her bathrobe, her purse filled with nonsense being such a “rich people are just like us” moment, and of course HUNKY DORY.
Gibson Johns on Twitter: "Cause of death: "WHO IS HUNKY DORY???" #RHOBH… "
how can I not find a “who is Hunky Dory?” gif

I love that everyone just ignores her and gets back to the Sutton/Crystal VIOLATION talk.  How on earth did they not all burst out laughing at her??

At Rinna’s Positano Party – aka Harry Hamlin’s annual dinner party God love him – no one let the mouse go regarding what happened in Lake Tahoe and everything went up a few more notches between Crystal and Sutton.

I polled everyone on instagram and it seems we all are team Sutton with many BUT’S and asterisks.
Sutton is spiraling at the drop of a hat week after week but Crystal is usually the trigger.
HOWEVER, when everyone brought Garcelle a birthday present except for her, it was ALL downhill from there.
Her other trigger is being left out – being left out of the martini joke and then being the only one without a gift (despite being there for the chatter about celebrating her birthday) definitely fueled the initial fire.
Real Housewives Bravo GIF - RealHousewives Housewives Bravo GIFs
She sat there applying her red lipstick with shaking hands and ready to fly off the eff’ing handle.  I MEAN. I don’t blame Crystal for thinking shes’s a kook at all.  BUT Crystal laughs in her face and mocks her pretty much any chance she gets, which would be MY trigger for sure.

I was pretty much done with Crystal when she said “you’re jealous.”  I agree, jealous of WHAT?! I really do think Crystal is that conceited (most housewives are, no judgement in terms of being on my TV shows) to think she is jealous and a mean girl.  I don’t like my Housewives to be sane and perfectly mannered – what kind of fun TV is that?! But I do think Crystal is a real mean girl for never once diffusing the “violated” chatter and for laughing in Sutton’s face while smirking every chance she got. Like, seriously, just don’t use the word violate and apologize and drop this already PLEASE?!
Crystal Minkoff GIF - Crystal Minkoff Rhobh GIFs

also : did you see the gigantic Indiana Jones esque portrait in crystal’s house of her and her husband?!
Forget the portrait of Dorit…. I MEANNN.  

We aren’t getting much Dorit this season which I’m sad about because I totally came around on her last season and love her ridiclous commentary, but I get it because there’s bigger fish to fry.  I was howling when she was saying “I designed a restaurant {aka the dollar store decorated buco di beppo “positano” room} so why can’t I do bridal?! That room – and Dorit’s level of confidence – I can’t.  I do think she’ll be great with bridal designs but please please don’t use the Positano room in any sentence where you’re trying to prove credibility for future business ventures.
Does RHOBH Dorit Kemsley Really Own A Buca di Beppo?

Erika.  I mean…. where do we even begin?!?! I was so pissed the Erika portion – where SHE is smacked with the lawsuit – hits when they are all being forced to quarantine! At least we had the zoom call… kind of….. but it’s not the same.

I didn’t know where I stood in terms of how much Erika knew about Tom’s years of lying/stealing HOWEVER after her sit down with Kyle in that courtyard I was done with her.
People Turn On You Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills GIF - PeopleTurnOnYou RealHousewivesOfBeverlyHills TheyCastYouAside GIFs

First of all, why did she never mention the horrible things happening to the orphans and widows and victims ?! Like yes say your part and that you had no idea but how are you not mentioning the VICTIMS when you’re talking to Kyle in person or everyone else on the zoom call?!  If she’s legally able to say everything she is saying in these episodes, I would think she’s legally able to make ONE single comment about the victims.

2 0 2 0 :: - The Sarcastic Blonde

and THEN. The mascara.  The water works.  NO ONE, and I mean NO ONE cries like that and doesn’t wipe their tears away or wipe their cheeks a single. solitary. time.  NO ONE. Let alone someone who is so aware of Glam and their appearance.  I gaurentee they were testing mascaras for hours in that shoe/glam room to see what streaked black the most.
Crying Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills GIF - Crying RealHousewivesOfBeverlyHills Emotional GIFs

THIS WEEK :  The ladies went to La Quinta… to Kyle’s home which is the source of ALL the initial drama between Kyle and Kim.
RHOBH: Kyle, the Untouchable Housewife? | Lipstick Alley
gah.  this show.  it’s just the best.

The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills': Divorced from reality – foolish watcher

actually… it may be a different house but still, same thing.  She “took” the La Quinta Casa from Kim.

Dorit slayed in her few moments on screen when she rescued Kathy from carrying her luggage up the stairs.  No way in hell would she have done that for anyone else, let alone then FAN THEM DOWN to help cool her off.  It was glorious.

Dorit Kemsley Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills

It’s so nice to see Kathy and Kyle giggling after how many times Kyle has cried on screen over their relationship, and even better to see Kathy “cleaning” up the shattered glass with A GRILL BRUSH.  Give this woman an Emmy!!!!

Erika reveals A SHEYITE TON of bombs at dinner that night while they all pretend that they 1) eat lasagna and 2) polish it off with a slice of pancake cake.
{ok – WHAT is pancake cake and where do I get it?! it looked amazing and I want some}
Shocked Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills GIF - Shocked RealHousewivesOfBeverlyHills Shook GIFs

I know Erika is sitting there painting a narrative of all of the horrible things that Tom said/did in their marriage, and I’m not saying I don’t believe her with that part…. but you clearly stayed for the financial benefits?! You were on RHOBH. You had a way out that could give you financial freedom and you’d be just fine.  But you clearly wanted/needed tonnnnsssssssss of money, not just decent money, so you CHOSE to stay. Like….. this isn’t Taylor Armstrong news that she is sharing where things were dangerous and horribly bad and there was a young child involved in the marriage. All I hear with the chatter of Tom being dismissive and absent is that she didn’t give a crap because she got an insane amount of $$$$ in return.
Am I the only one thinking this?!  Don’t you think they must be thinking it too??!!

But Now We Said It GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

She also shares a very confusing story about Tom and his car accident a few years back where all we had heard regarding it was that he had broken his foot.  I’m not saying the accident isn’t true – just that she completely contradicted herself with this one soooooo which version is it?!? Did he call you 12 hours after the accident or were you the one that found him!?
Shocked Real Housewives Of Beverly Hills GIF - Shocked RealHousewivesOfBeverlyHills Shook GIFs

To summarize my nonsensical rambling thoughts on Erika, I’m not saying she knew about what Tom was doing behind the scenes.  There’s no way to truly know that.  I agree that many wealthy wives just sign documents their husbands hand them when they trust them.  We all know TOM is guilty, but I’m not saying she is.  I just think there should be some commentary about the victims instead of commentary on heating her backyard pool in her $9,500 a month rental in Beverly Hills.  And that choosing to stay in a bad marriage because he is funding your “it’s expensive to be me” lifestyle is not even close to the same thing as being trapped in what many others would call a bad marriage.

AND most importantly I’m saying that I bet she was amazing on Chicago because GIRL CAN ACT!
GIF by Chicago The Musical - Find & Share on GIPHY

Oh, and another side note – when she said that she checked Tom’s phone because of Yolanda and David’s divorce I was like waiiiiit a minute.  It’s never been public news why they divorced so are you publicly airing her dirty laundry of cheating!? Not like it’s that big of a deal because everyone speculated but it’s still not her news to be sharing.

the rest of my chit chat is limited for other shows,
because let’s be honest, BH requires the most discussion

:: RHOP ::

Potomac is always good.  Even if not much helps during an episode, they always entertain me.
This season looks like it’s going to be so, so good.
I hope Gisele is finallyyyyy done with Jamal.  MOVE ON. I don’t agree with Karen’s husband that she has limited time to look gorgeous, but I agree with the sense of quit wasting your years on this despicable man that calls himself a “pastor” and lives in your phone!

Real Housewives Bravo GIF - RealHousewives Housewives Bravo GIFs

How did I not know Candice is the third baby mama for Chris?! I’m shocked they’re finally out of the townhouse and into a “two story entry”.  Also, have you heard her new single?! It’s shockingly catchy and dare I say….. really good!?!?

Mia is going to be such an amazing new addition to this cast.  A husband that is 32 years older than her, immediately airing out her long list of surgeries, everyone agreeing that she was a former stripper NOT a bartender.  Delightful.

ALSO – howwww is she 36?? This is a PRIME example of not getting plastic surgery like a crazy lady because she looks SO MUCH OLDER.  The one picture they showed of them as a family where she looked more natural she looked DECADES younger.

Real Housewives Bravo GIF - RealHousewives Housewives Bravo GIFs

::RHONY ::

RHONY is having their lowest ratings EVER and I am not surprised.  The latest episode took me 6 different times to finish because I kept switching to something else on my DVR.  It’s just….. no good.
They are apparently pushing back the reunion and when next season starts filming?! I get pushing back when the next season films in case they want to make casting changes (lots of rumors of Ramona getting canned) but just film the reunion and let’s be done!

ALSO, I cannot handle one more poop moment from Ramona.  I’m repulsed.  I can’t handle it.
Rhony Ramona GIF - Rhony Ramona No GIFs
The camera showing the bathroom floor?! I CANNOT.  No words and I’m about to puke.

ALSO, Sonja continues to carry every episode this season.  And what did they show the fire extinguisher thing as a flashback instead of continuous story?! I normally love the editing on Housewives and it was so strange.
Real Housewives Bravo GIF - RealHousewives Housewives Bravo GIFs

SHAH’s :

I will never understand how Mike gets girls and they stay with him.
Shes My Soulmate Mike Shouhed GIF - ShesMySoulmate MikeShouhed  ShahsOfSunset - Discover & Share GIFs
Especially when everyone said that Paulina has her own money?! Why is a woman with her own money and KIDS putting up with this gross douche canoe (stole the term douche canoe from a hilarious video on instagram)

random side note from the Thanksgiving episode :
Who is so dumb to put plastic in the oven? London seems too smart to do that…. Nema not so surprising.

:: BACHELORETTE ::

WHY AM I STILL WATCHING THIS GARBAGE ?!?!?!
Matt And Katie GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

:: FAMILY KARMA ::

Love it and if you aren’t watching it you should be.
The Aunties + confessionals are my favorite part of the show by far.
Family Karma Bravo GIF - FamilyKarma Karma Bravo - Discover & Share GIFs

:: MY UNORTHODOX LIFE ::

I started watching this last weekend it is WILD if you are looking for a new show (on Netflix)
The making out with her husband where it looks like she’s trying to eat him is a leeeeetle awkward though. 
Orthodox Jewish Women Push Back Against Portrayal in Netflix Series 'My Unorthodox Life' | Jewish & Israel News Algemeiner.com

:: MAZEL OF THE WEEK : YOUNGER  :: 

If you are following me on instagram you have probably heard me talk 97 times about how I started binge watching younger when my husband was out of town and it has been added to my list of BEST SHOWS I’VE EVER WATCHED IN MY LIFE.

 

View this post on Instagram

 

A post shared by Taylor 💁🏼‍♀️ Sarcastic Blonde (@thesarcasticblonde)


I AM SO OBSESSED I COULD CRY JUST THINKING ABOUT IT ENDING.

:: Editors Note ::
As always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors
whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during Coffee Talk on a weekly basis.

#HYPOCRITE   #SORRYIMNOTSORRY
my apologies for lack of weekly Coffee Talk like the good old days.
My little twin loves take after their mother and if the television is on their eyes are LOCKED and IN LOVE and want nothing else which leaves me little time for my beloved TV until late at night.
I’m also too tired to proofread my own nonsense,
so if this reads as though Teresa Giudice wrote it…….sorry not sorry. 

by TheSarcasticBlonde 

About TheSarcasticBlonde

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Hi. I’m Taylor

A Southern girl turned Chicago transplant, recently settling back down in Atlanta. Fluent in sarcasm. Devout Bravo-holic and TV addict. Balances fitness with french fries. Penchant for Prosecco and Pinot Grigio. Wannabe Ina Garten in the kitchen. Online shopping enthusiast. Lover of fashion and decor.

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