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The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

coffee talk, Lifestyle

:: coffee talk ::

April 7, 2016

discuss amongst ya-selves….. 

:: vanderpump rules finale part 746 :: 
James is just repulsive. and this was his face the whole time.
which, sadly, I just realized is the face I constantly make (left eyebrow up, right eye squinting.  literally if kip were to see this he’d say this is my face.  damn it! I’m james!) I digress……. 

Jax looks so much like Mufasa, especially when he is giving the angry closed mouth face. 
my-boyfriend-andy-cohen bringing up the “sketch comedy” heated argument was just amazing.  I think the beach-sketch-comedy-fight was the highlight of the whole season.  it was such a perfect example of how truly insane and self involved these people are. 
and also: NONE of you are funny.  especially you Ariana. 9 years of sketch comedy lessons ALL FOR NOTHING.

james : “ANDY YOU HAVEN’T EVEN TALKED ABOUT MY ALBUM.”
my-boyfriend-andy-cohen was not. having. it. 

:: southern charm :: 

editors note : I’ve decided I just have to start taking photos of my TV screen in order to get the pictures I want for the blog…. soooo prepare for next weeks pictures to be horrible, but I am sick of finding NADA to use! 

SO happy this is back.  I love this show so much.  Every week.  Amazing. 
Cameron and Shep and their weekly antics are always perfection. 

Craig can’t wait to show everyone how far he has come….. from living in his parents house, to moving in to his girlfriends parents house!! 
wow craig! you’re amazing! 


I believe zero of the story of how Thomas got his black eye
but good god,  his new house that he is renovating……. 
oh my word. real estate dreams. 

landon and thomas better not be flirting.
because no one should be flirting with t-rav. 
get some self respect. 

cameron calls it perfectly when she explains craig’s all-fushia-pink-double-collar-ensemble for “his” party: 
 “He’s dressed like an Italian drug dealer with too much product in his hair”
pah-reach girl. pah-reach.
not having an image of this ensemble is exactly why I am going to start taking pictures of my TV screen for you. 

and last but not least….. the icing on the southern charm cake, Kathryn.
how how H-O-W are these people so insane to have ANOTHER baby!!??
WHAT!? this is so dysfunctional.
And why do you have to take 30 pregnancy tests to realize YEA, UH HUH, you had unprotected sex maybe the first 29 were right and you’re pregnant. 
Also, Bravo: why must you show us the bag of 30 pregnancy test? 
For some reason I feel for her, because despite her rage filled bitchy I don’t give a damn ‘tude, you can tell she cares so, so much. 
as my-boyfriend-andy-cohen would say “but sweetie. come on”. wake up. it’s called birth control. 
it is SO PAINFUL to watch when she walks into “craig’s housewarming party” 



and they act like they don’t even know each other.

seriously. your baby is in her belly and you can’t even make eye contact.
(insert my mother nance pants : “this is what is wrong with your generation……”)

cathryn’s ready to CUT a betch when t-rav goes to sit with her (like, hours later, after a looooong time of ignoring one another while t-rav chats up a senior in college. because her being there makes total sense?)


Who needs booze to rile you up and act like a lunatic with uncontrollable facial expressions when you have HORMONES!!?? 



I really missed her, like, head constantly spinning around from left to right while she makes the most unsatisfied I can’t believe what is happening facial expressions. 

You can practically see the smoke pouring out of her ears.  Her mannerisms are just as amazing as they were all of the last two seasons.  

Thomas awkwardly asks “may I touch your stomach?” and puts his hand on her pregnant belly, and 
I MEANNNNNNN if looks could kill. 
The father of your SECOND baby who you don’t even speak to puts his hand on your stomach and it’s like infuriating to you.  WHAT were these idiots thinking!? 
as Jane Fonda, in her oscar worthy role in Monster-In-Law, one of the best movies of our time, would say:

“the only time they think straight is when they have an erection…. and it’s usually pointed right at the trampiest woman”

I just seriously can’t imagine this and I’m bamboozled over it. 
also, I still haven’t seen the WWHL with Kathryn and I’m super excited to catch up on it this week! 

 :: RHOBH :: 
Brandy, ever the BFF and supporter, hands out tanks to Yolanda and Kim Richards at their picnic.



Yolanda’s says Sick and Kim’s says Medicated.
and Brandi’s is something about not being sober.
Friend of the year. 


I love Cathryn getting glammed over by the glam squad for her birthday.

I mean…. this yacht for the dinner nighttime cruise around dubai. 
I JUST CAN’T


I didn’t know that lisa vanderpump and yolanda hated each other this much? 
oh wait….. then they  just replayed a bunch of scenes and I feel like a moron…. 
I did know this I guess….. 


I’m over this argument that has gone on for 3 episodes…. I’m done. 

:: RHONY :: 

I’m just excited for more Dorinda. 
and of course it opens with droned! 

how is carole still dating adam?  a year later!? 
and his instagram is him throwing herbs in the air….. this sadly makes me want to go look him up and see what other nonsense is on his insta. 

we meet Jules the new Housewife.

she seems nice! and sane! (don’t they always though….. ??)

and her kids are named Rio and Jagger…. yeahhhh no surprise there. 

bethenny just attacks her at lunch like a praying mantis 
  simmer down bethenny.  back off. lighten up. 
also, you have one giant piece of hair that is parted to the left with the rest of your hair and it needs to be on the right and you keep trying to move it to the left and JUST MOVE IT TO THE RIGHT. it’s like IN your eye balls. 


and quit commenting on the new girls weight! you’re one to talk – and you just met her! 
this is the stuff where I’m like STAHP. 

but all I really want to do is share some Dorinda gifs. 
god love her.  
i can’t wait to see all the ways she throws it down this season. 
fingers crossed for 3+ martinis at every girls night out. 
but I really don’t get why she is with Jon. don’t get it. 

  
:: MmmmmmK Bye :: 
I’m off to watch the Bamboozled Friends episode….. 




EDITORS NOTE : 
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.  
#hypocrite  #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either.  or the day after that.







by TheSarcasticBlonde 

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Comments

  1. Baker Reynolds Tange says: April 7, 2016 at 1:55 pm

    Follow some of the Southern Charm cast on Instagram–they post some pretty ridiculous pictures that would be great contenders for the blog!

    • Taylor says: April 7, 2016 at 5:11 pm

      I need to get on that stat! Great idea

  2. Carolyn says: April 7, 2016 at 3:05 pm

    I just have to tell you that I work in the office that is underneath Jules' apartment (that her hubs also "works" in) and they are SOMETHING ELSE. Our whole office is dyingggg that she is on RH because it's just insane to us, the stories I could tell!

    • Taylor says: April 7, 2016 at 5:12 pm

      UMMMMMMM we need to have phone call or something haha! And I'm already intrigued with the "work" in quotes! I need the dirt!!

  3. Lauren says: April 7, 2016 at 3:05 pm

    Southern Charm. WHAT A DISASTER. I can't quit it.

    • Taylor says: April 7, 2016 at 5:12 pm

      can't quit and won't quit! love it

  4. Natasha Bird says: April 7, 2016 at 3:34 pm

    I am SO excited for Southern Charm. The opening scene at the dinner party?!?! Just amazing.

    • Taylor says: April 7, 2016 at 5:12 pm

      I know!!! T-Rav like trying to climb through the iron gate to get to the golf carts!!?? WHAT!!

  5. Alayna says: April 7, 2016 at 3:48 pm

    your recaps are insanity:)))))) I had to text my friend during the "can I touch your belly where my child is" scene. SOOOOO odd. I read his instagram comments last month where he went off about her and child support. He's paying her rent of 3K/mo right now, but she wants much more. I guess she thinks she should stay home with the two babes and have him foot the bill. FASCINATING. Keep on with your recaps – LOVE.
    Alayna, Charlotte NC

    • Taylor says: April 7, 2016 at 5:13 pm

      I now know what I will be doing during my lunch break : stalking his instagram!

  6. tarheelmom says: April 7, 2016 at 7:05 pm

    So now I'm obsessed with finding out what this Carolyn knows (and is willing to tell) from the comment section! Air quotes for work…what?! He's a venture capitalist…so what ventures is he capitalizing in?
    And all I can say for all of the other shows…These shows are awful and I just wish I had more time to watch! So, so much good Bravo to see!

    • Taylor says: April 8, 2016 at 3:55 am

      haha I know!! I'm like, Carolyn… Come on…. let's make a deal…. what can I offer you for you to cough up some dirt???

    • Carolyn says: April 8, 2016 at 1:11 pm

      OMG sorry to leave you ladies hanging…Taylor I'll send you an email w/ full dirt, don't want to leave it all on the internet but basically we have no idea what Michael actually does. He has like 15 LLCs, he used to have a club promotion business and these random characters were always walking around our office (we don't work with him, just rent the space from him), but I think that business folded. He hasn't been in the office in months, NEVER checks his mail, I mean months of mail is piled up in his office. He's a really sweet guy, but it's just sketchy. Jules is the skinniest person I have ever seen in my life, she comes downstairs in her sweats all of the time and they are doing a reallllly good job making her look good on TV. She's beautiful, but we always see her with like zero effort and I'm pretty sure she lives on sugar-free Red Bull. So much more good stuff I'll throw in an email, but basically we were all SHOCKED when they started filming Housewives bc why the hell would they include these randos?!

    • Alayna says: April 8, 2016 at 2:13 pm

      I bet it's just family money?????

Hi. I’m Taylor

A Southern girl turned Chicago transplant, recently settling back down in Atlanta. Fluent in sarcasm. Devout Bravo-holic and TV addict. Balances fitness with french fries. Penchant for Prosecco and Pinot Grigio. Wannabe Ina Garten in the kitchen. Online shopping enthusiast. Lover of fashion and decor.

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