discuss amongst ya-selves……
:: the bachelorette ::
let’s just start by saying, as someone who has never missed an episode of bachelor, bachelorette, pad, or in paradise EH-VER, I have seen a lot of producer hype and BS and “to be continued” and part I and part II. and it never leads to anything remotely as exciting as they make it seem.
but I have NEVER seen ANYTHING from the Bachelor that was as good as BOTH part I and II were. it was some of the best hours of Bachelor craziness I have ever seen.
like….. by the end of Part II on Tuesday I was legit SCARED as if I had just watched a horror TV show. he gave me chills.
#dontgochad #nowillbebored
so much happened that I seriously wish I could comment on ALL of it. my brain is having Tourettes from all the excitement and I can’t control myself.
we barely saw Jojo this whole 4 hours- it was the chad show.
Chase gets the first one one one – yoga!
now, I don’t do yoga, I’m not calm enough for that “stillness”
but call me crazy…. I don’t think straddling a man and staring into his eyes is “yoga”
but, hey, what do I know…..
I did not know erectile-dysfunction-specialist Evan had THREE kids.
Yeahhhh…. how long is the show going to force Jojo to keep him on? Because I’m starting to feel REALLY bad for him that he really thinks he has a chance at being the last man standing at the end of this. I’m concerned for him. He really thinks it’s all happening for him.
Yeahhhh…. how long is the show going to force Jojo to keep him on? Because I’m starting to feel REALLY bad for him that he really thinks he has a chance at being the last man standing at the end of this. I’m concerned for him. He really thinks it’s all happening for him.
when evan gives the ultimatum that if chad stays, he has to go, I don’t know how Jojo didn’t say “well can’t I just send both of you home?”
instead, she gives evan the rose.
and chads facials are so insane and shocking that she has to stop talking and be like CHAD WHAT.
when he says “is this real right now? you’re actually into this guy”
I simultaneously think SAY IT CHAD! because we know its total crap she’s not into evan!
and also CHAD YOU’RE SUCH AN ASS.
because he truly is. he is TERRIFYING.
Back at the house, the steroids boys are getting closer.
one of the best parts of Chad’s conversation with the runner-up-wierdo of the house, Canadian guy with Claymation face,
one of the best parts of Chad’s conversation with the runner-up-wierdo of the house, Canadian guy with Claymation face,
is the “let’s pretend you’re Hitler” conversation.
Claymation says “lets pretend your Hitler” to explain how the guys in the house are feeling, while Chad eats a giant sweet potato/yam/whatever whole and is like “no lets not”
and Claymation Canadian is like “Just take it down from Hitler to Mussolini bro…. and lets get back to our creatine shakes and weight lifting bro”.
also…. serious question….. why was Claymation lifting in this butt-out-starting-at-chad position the whole time? and in teeny tiny little short shorts?
I just can’t.
James Taylor is THE cutest sweetest human being alive.
and thank goodness he actually is a good singer and has good songs or else it would just be so painful.
He is SO sweet. I honestly don’t know how someone can be that kind and I want to cry for him when she lets him go because theres no way thats who she picks.
I figured out why Luke weirds me out.
He looks like a druggie… like he has that sunken in look of a rock star on drugs…. I look at him and think “did I see you on an episode of Intervention?”……
Also, he doesn’t move his mouth much when he talks (makes me nuts) and has the giant chiclet teeth and talks from the side of his mouth…. and most importantly he BARELY smiles AT ALL…. not getting the sexy aspect at all.
Also, he doesn’t move his mouth much when he talks (makes me nuts) and has the giant chiclet teeth and talks from the side of his mouth…. and most importantly he BARELY smiles AT ALL…. not getting the sexy aspect at all.
what am I missing??? I really don’t get it with Luke ???
what is sexy about this????
what is sexy about this????
all I see when I see him is this actor, William Defoe
I meannnnn for real.
of course I have no good Luke pics to use online, but trust me
but really, he’s creepy. he like STARES at her. and if I wasn’t already so freaked out and concerned about Chad killing people, I’d be thinking Luke was a killer.
who would have thought the bachelorette would mess me up like this?
but seriously…. I think Jojo’s type is “Creepy with the possibility of committing a murder”
Back to Chad……
OF COURSE Chad and Alex are picked for the two on one. Surprise! What a new tactic producers!
Before the 2 on 1, Chad literally says he’s going to come find Jordan and basically kill him.
HOW ARE THE PRODUCERS NOT REMOVING THIS PERSON AT THIS POINT. it’s gone on FOR DAYS. on big brother (hashtag best show ever starts so soon), someone made a verbal threat and they were ejected from the house within 10 seconds. I’m beginning to think that the show UnREAL that makes the producers of the bachelor look like sick freaks is way more true than we’d like to think.
ANYWAYS….. I digresss….
when Jordan is talking to Chad and he threatens him basically within an inch of his life, I’m like JORDAN STOP LAUGHING HE REALLY WILL FIND YOU STOP STOP STOP.
he is SO SCARY.
I feel really bad for Alex walking next to Chad in those little combat boots (Alex…. WHAT were you thinking with that outfit? it’s not LITERALLY the military date, its just a hike!)
he looks so tiny next to the crazy pants….
he looks so tiny next to the crazy pants….
and of course they send the psycho man threatening to destroy people into A REMOTE FOREST IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE.
and then Chad is whistling as he walks through the forest trying to contain his anger and in search of more meat to eat — this was one of the more disturbing aspects.
oh, I also loved Chad’s conversation with Chris Harrison. “I mean, they’re saying I’m on steroids and it’s like, I couldn’t have brought that here!” As in, of course I’m on steroids but you all go through my bags so I can’t have them with me so I’m going insane.
I didn’t Coffee Talk last week, but I just remembered and had to comment on when Alex suggests her and JoJo sit in the giant 10 foot chair and he has to jump up into it I almost died. I mean he’s so sweet and cute… never gonna happen though.
but in all seriousness, I think she is the touchy-feeliest bachelorette of them all.
but she just really goes in for the constant rubbing and touching. and she really goes in for the makeout real quick.
you can tell who she’s into by who she just dives right in for the make out the second they are alone… and the ones she just keeps talking to.
LIKE EVAN. now that we’ve addressed Chad can we PLEASE address Evan Jojo?)
LIKE EVAN. now that we’ve addressed Chad can we PLEASE address Evan Jojo?)
the more I watch the more I think everyone is right with Jordan being the one…..
perhaps because the only thing that gets her to send Chad home after ALL of his BS and terrifying behavior is Alex telling her that he threatened Jordan.
oh, and check out chad’s instagram if you have no life like me just to see what a total douche he is.
Did I ramble enough about The Bachelorette?
because seriously – I’ve never seen 4 hours of this show that were as nuts as that. ever.
OH, and of course they still dragged it into the next episode
I meannnn…… I’m not even mad.
with Chad going back to where the guys are staying and scratching his hands down the glass for them to open the door true serial killer style.
ok I’m maybe possibly probably not done with that show now……….
:: real housewives of dallas ::
why is next week the finale? whyyyy!!!
because even though this housewife franchise is really weird and kind of sucks,
I am of course sucked in and TOTALLY into it.
I am of course sucked in and TOTALLY into it.
I guess we didn’t realize Brandi’s statements about LeeAnne were some serious foreshadowing
i’ve said it once and i’ll say it again, Leanne is CER-TI-FI-A-BLE.
more than anyone in housewives history. duh duh dunnnn.
the night starts with LeeAnne telling Cary “judge” is an awful word, and so is hate.
mmmm okay. throw “charity” (DRINK!) into that conversation a few times for good measure LeeAnne so you feel holier than thou.
THEN
cut to the end of the night and she is breaking glass, screaming bloody murder, and telling her best friend “IM GONNA GUT YOU”.
THEN
cut to the end of the night and she is breaking glass, screaming bloody murder, and telling her best friend “IM GONNA GUT YOU”.
I CAN’T.
and then in the morning……
just kidding. but basically.
in the morning she’s all…. “y’all know, when someone pushes me, I go to my dark childhood, and yeah…..”
you can’t keep apologizing and making excuses and then keep doing it over and over again! that’s not how it works LeeAnne!
she yelled so loud that she woke Brandi up from the depths of her severely alcohol induced sleep
I mean, even Brandi admits, that’s a pretty damn difficult thing to do! that’s how loud it was!!!!
yet…somehow Tiffani never even heard a peep? riiiiiiiiight……
LeeAnne’s like “yeah… I know I broke some glass and screamed I was going to gut you… but y’all…. Carny Life is hard. So once two hours has passed, be over it. it’s morning now!”
I mean…. she “isn’t Jesus everyone.”
She feels the need to remind the ladies that “she’s a person! if she were Jesus she would be nailed to a cross!”
I SERIOUSLY CAN NOT WITH THIS WOMAN. SHE IS SO DELUSIONAL.
ALSO. why leanne feels the need to explain IN DETAIL the poop story even further is just beyond me. NOT HELPING LEEANNE.
I can’t wait for this finale + reunion. watching LeeAnne attempt to defend her words, actions, general all-day-eery-day behavior when she isn’t at a CHARITY (drink!) event is going to be great.
:: im a lunatic ::
my brain does not function like a normal persons.
we’ve discussed this before.
I can recall ANYTHING that I do not need to know at any time. Useless information is a skill I excel at.
Two perfect examples of it this week
1. we’re watching Miss USA and it pans to the audience and I scream OH MY GOD ITS DEREK AND SANTA FROM THE BACHELORETTE!
like…. a .2 second reaction time. what is wrong with my brain? they were just sitting in the background.
and THEN. a really creepy one
2. we’re watching shahs of sunset where reza goes to do his standup and I scream OH MY GOD REWIND IT REWIND IT!
I see, in the background, practically blurry, at a table of 10 people, not at all what I should be looking at, the little blonde boy from project runway juniors, Matt.
seriously what is wrong with me?
I was simultaneously amazed by my useless skills and disgusted with myself.
happy thursday !!!
EDITORS NOTE :
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.
as always, ignore my own blatant grammatical errors whilst I make fun of others poor grammar during coffee talk on a weekly basis.
#hypocrite #sorryimnotsorry
I write these posts late at night while simultaneously watching Bravo, taking snapchats of my snoring husband, and making to do lists of everything I was supposed to do and didn’t do that day and likely won’t do the next day either. or the day after that.
This post! Perfection! You always say everything I'm thinking! Chad is like full on scary movie, like I was scared for those people…I flashed back to Marky Marky in the movie Fear when he chases the skinny nerd in the woods and snaps his neck…AHHH!!
haha oh my god FEAR!!!! such an amazing horrifying movie!!!!
HAHA omg I am laughing out loud at these Bachelorette comments – YES TO EVERYTHING – especially Luke + William Dafoe. xx Ashley http://www.sparklesenseblog.com
haha so glad because I really didn't know how the william dafoe would go 🙂
your trip looked amazing on instagram can't wait to read more about it on your blog!!
Can we even talk about how Evan is like Kyle from Road Trip?!?!?
Luke. #nailedit