:: coffee talk ::

discuss amongst ya-selves….

:: peoples couch junior edition ::

Ok. I know this aired about 3 weeks ago but I am late to the party and just watched it. People’s Couch is off for summertime (AHH) but they did a 30 minute episode with young british kids watching TV and I was so prepared to be like “aw how cute blah blah blah” and instead:

I couldn’t even handle what was going on and was covering my eyes and flipping out.

They have these little kids watching a show called “Birth: The womb at 16 weeks”

SERIOUSLY?

I can’t. hands over eyes disgusted can’t do it.

I’m thinking…. PHEW we made it through that, on to something funny.

THEN

Jurassic Park.
like, the part with the dead baby lamb being hurled onto the windshield of the car……

I mean, I can handle it, I’ve seen the movie a ton and its not like a “horror movie” and Kip watches it every damn time they play it on TV – which is all the time except for when that superhero movie with Robert Downey JR is on or the big one Independence Day is on and he watches that instead …. …

but I digress…..
but seriously, why are these kids watching all of these scary things?
AND THEN. I have to LITERALLY fast forward through the rest of it because they start to show an Animal Planet-esque type of show with BABY
ELEPHANTS being eaten by alligators!!!!

SERIOUSLY-MY-BOYFRIEND-ANDY-COHEN?!?!
why would you subject these little kids to this thing and WHY are you subjecting us to watching them watching it?!

:: bachelorette ::

okay, no more leather jackets people, there are about 7 too many on these dates.

Poor Wells. Hashtag Wells for the new Bachelor.

None of these other losers would have done a creatine powder ceremony for Chad.

I seriously can’t get over how big of a jerk Alex is.

the first episodes where he was nice and none on this was “revealed” I was like “aw he’s handsome I feel bad for him that he’s so much shorter than the other guys and that they just aired him running and jumping to get into that chair for millions of people to see”

but NOW, after he acts all mean and like a total chach (why does my computer keep trying to change chach into coach, I googled, it says its spelled chach) I’m like “listen little man you better lock it up and quit being mean!!!”
he’s like the new villain now that chad is gone?!

I can’t even look at Luke and his brooding angry anorexic face that Jojo somehow finds so sexual that I don’t know how she hasn’t pulled a Canadian-quickie-like-Kaitlyn.

EWWWWWIIEEEEE

We ALL know he is making it to top 3 because for how touchy feels she is with everyone she makes it WAY clear she is going to rip his clothes off fantasy suite week for sure.

I just can’t. I honestly can’t.

Poor James Taylor is too emotional and sweet for all of this.

I hope girls are THROWING themselves at him now that this is airing because he deserves it.

and he is right about Jordan!!!! you DO act entitled Jordan!!!

when it was against Chad it all seemed normal, but really, all you do is

smile and laugh and shake your head like a cocky asshole at every comment instead of explaining yourself or using words.

and quit swirling your white wine around and sitting aggressively staring at James Taylor after Jojo confronts you!

Don’t get pissed at JT! Jojo’s so blindly obsessed with you it doesn’t matter what anyone says – including you apparently because you say NOTHING – so lighten up chachstick.

PS – take a gander at this : jordan’s ex accused him of cheating on instagram and he did a massive twitter rant that is just hilarious (HERE)

OH and apparently twitter rants are his thing because when I was googling to find it, it only brought up his previous twitter rants about vanderbilt and football (HERE)

caption : douche.

it’s official : Jordan is awful and I’m over him.

I’m still team aaron rogers and olivia munn all the way though.

Tango 2-on-1 Date:

I mean I laughed so hard I almost cried when they have the Argentinian singer singing “don’t cry for me argentina” while derek cries in the cab leaving.

WELL PLAYED ABC. WELL PLAYED.

editors note : one of my bach brackets I had to pick everyone for every week before the first episode even aired and I had picked Derek to win because everyone else was saying Jordan and I was thinking maybe he dumped her at the end or who knows…. and Derek had the blue eyes and finance job. whoops. I was off.

Robbie, the king of too soon “I love you” even for this show {with a response of “Thank you” haha}

is officially Justin Timberlake as his character in Dick in a Box/Mother Lover.

am I right?!?! PREACH.

seriously what are you wearing and more importantly can every one of these guys PLEASE change their haircuts? Immediately? YOU FIRST ROBBIE.

~~Wee man~~ Alex is PISSED at the rose ceremony that he got a pity rose or the last rose or that he finally realized the producers keep putting him smack in the middle of all the tall guys so it emphasizes his small stature even more.

he pouts to the camera with his hands in fists at his side and slowly and dramatically says ” I want to feel …..WANTED!”

OH MY GOD first she keeps evan too long and now you?!?!

GURL BYE. Your days are numbered Alex!

:: southern charm reunion part one ::
OMG update : read HERE about kathryn apparently attacking a crew member this week during season 3 southern charm filming

as I mentioned on Tuesday,

Holy WTF is Kathryn wearing how AMAZING does it make this hour (and the next hour) of television.

because not only does she do her insane eye glances and staring at the ceiling and neck cranes and basically head twirling 360 degrees while she goes bat $#ey!te crazy not looking at who she’s talking to, she also keeps grabbing her pleated maroon skirt and moving it in like twirling motions all over the couch.

BLESS YOU BOYFRIEND ANDY COHEN for bringing this into my life.

and landon, sweetie, the earrings, these things are awful.
it’s better than a giant purple fur, but still, you would have looked beautiful in just the red maxi, take it down a notch you don’t need all that.

cameron, as always, couldn’t look better if she tried.

and thats the point – its like zero effort and she always looks like a freaking supermodel, with amazing facial expressions to match.

T-Rav’s family thinks the show is worse than when he went to prison

HAHAHA they aren’t necessarily wrong I just love it.

My favorite Kathryn line of the night:

” I didn’t really have a thought because irrelevance doesn’t exist in my brain”

continues blinking and jerking head and staring at ceiling

I AM LAUGHING SO HARD. I LOVE THIS.
next week is going to be nuts with this drug stuff and custody stuff and ALL THE STUFF.
but seriously those poor kids. thank goodness for that full time nanny of theirs who seems sweet as pie and in love with kenzie and hopefully does all of the child rearing like it seems.

ALSO how was it not mentioned on the show previously that the “alleged sex” between Thomas and Landon happened when Thomas took Landon on a Valentine’s trip that was supposed to be for Kathryn and T-Rav?!
WHAAAAATTTT!!!??

I guess that does add some fuel to Kathryn’s-crazy…..

and then Kathryn gives VERY detailed memories of the 2 weeks she stayed with Whitney where he denies ever being in any relationship of any kind or having any feelings or any of it happening…. like VERY detailed things that even a looney wouldn’t make up……

I mean seriously this will be the one thing where I’m team kathryn – whitney is such a liar and its so obvious.

then it starts to get more focused on Thomas and Kathryn and the 2 babies with no ring (that she so clearly wants because seriously someone help this girl what are her daddy issues because there must be something going on) and it all just gets real awkward.
for one, kathryn, its not that hard to not get pregnant but okay…. for future reference : BIRTH CONTROL.
and then it goes into how Thomas loves his kids and misses them and thats why they are with two nannies right now (seriously these poor kids!!!!) and then the drug and alcohol allegations come out and YOWZA next week will be a blowout and the segway to part II :
Kathryn gets up to sashay sashay away in her gone with the wind fabulous attire.

all I want is a gif of her in this outfit storming off or messing with her skirt or doing a crazy facial expression and my life will be made but there is NONE!
seriously my new worthless but serious passion needs to be creating gifs from TV shows because I can never find the moments I’m looking for.
anyone know how I can do this, holler at your girl.

:: RHoOC ::

Vicki, talking all quietly and slowly doesn’t make us think you are actually sorry or apologetic or deserving of compassion, but keep it up!

oh my…. every time I see Shannon start to talk in her confessional I just get nervous…. “I’m over the affair its been two years I’m over it we’re great”
ay ay ay….. just waiting for a breakdown.
“I’m happy David had an affair, because look where it got us in our marriage.”
NO SHANNON. NO. Oh I want to cry for you seriously.
but no I really do love me some shannon.
the best is when someone says something and it cuts to her in her confessional just going

“No” {I’m not explaining this one well…. if you watch ~~you know~~ maybe you get it}

it really gets me laughing. so does her get up for kitchen demo and the whole shabang.
Jeff Lewis loves her and dammit so do I!
(UM FLIPPING OUT PREMIERES IN 2 WEEKS!!!!!!!)

Yay for a new girl I love some newbies!

Holy eyebrows Kelly!

at Megan’s “demo party” Kelly goes to use the mobile saw in the wall and seriously it almost goes out of the wall into her leg it flipped the hell out of me.

I think I like Kelly already…. she spills the beans way too early about her personal life so the things to come are endless.

But no, I really like her because she seemed funny naming how she just did 3 things to piss everyone off like befriending Vicki and then asking tamra about her daughter who she didn’t know hasn’t spoken to her in two years.

Oops.
BUT REALLY :
main thing in this episode :
over Heather Dubrow’s dead body do they vacation at BEACHES.
seriously. NEVER would happen.

Last week, NY Housewives do plugs for HomeGoods and Priv …. and now the richest OC housewife whose cabinet budget is like 300K at Chateau Dubrow is going to BEACHES!?!?
um, not buying it.
but Terry’s line about not feeling guilty about his kids was sadly hilarious and Heather is going to be PEESED when she hears it 🙂 He really is funny though….. he just wants some damn onion rings and some kid-free time, is that so much to ask?!

editors note : no really….. how can I make my own gifs when I watch these shows….. this will motivate me in life greatly……

Comments

Lindsay says: June 30, 2016 at 2:57 pm

Terrible guilty pleasure is Heather's podcast – she talks about each RHOC episode, which is enjoyable for my commute 😉
- Taylor says: July 1, 2016 at 6:53 pm
  
  uh oh! I may need to add that to my podcast list! I just started heather mcdonalds this week so I'll try hers for my next one 🙂
Keriann says: June 30, 2016 at 7:53 pm

to your point about sponsorships and plugging brands…I've heard them order Tito's Vodka on both RHOC and Southern Charm–coincidence? i think not!
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