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The Sarcastic Blonde

fashion, food, fitness + a dose of sarcastic gossip

Lifestyle

Coffee Talk (a little late….)

April 27, 2012

better late than never?….. 

discuss amongst ya-selves…..

My DVR recorded half of my shows this week as blank, black TV. 
We are in a very, very big fight.


Did you catch the premier of RHONJ?
We don’t even need to comment on how dumb, seriously inept, and bat shit crazy Theresa is.



Let’s just skip on to ASHLEY.

ummm…… what eff were you thinking?
Oh wait, you are most likely on drugs and booze, so I get it.
There’s no way she lost all that weight without some serious booger-sugar.

And NOTHING is more attractive that quadrupling the size of your lips, and adding a Kim-Zolziack-wig style hair-do to top it off.
Send her off to live in Vegas…. that sounds like the perfect solution.
Vegas? Seriously? 

I saw a clip of the cast of 30 Rock playing Charades on Jimmy Fallon.









This is exactly what I would want to do every weekend.  Hilarious.
Jimmy Fallon kills me. 

who buys a $7,800 wedding dress ONLINE at shopbop? what???
This is the dumbest idea shop bop has ever had…. what woman in their right mind that is spending $8,000 on a dress would buy it online? [answer: one that is on drugs like ashley]

Oh wait… I take it back… not shopbop’s worst move: 
let’s suffocate the baby with maternity shape wear??? 
huh???? 

thoughts on ashton + mila as a couple?
 I feel like I like it… makes them playing a couple on that 70’s show even that much cuter. She said that he was her first kiss ever. [insert: awww]. As long as he keeps that hideous beard he had earlier off his face, they make a very cute couple. 

thoughts on Lilo playing Elizabeth Taylor?
personally, I’m already annoyed with Rosie O’Donnell using it as her newfound way to get attention.  Rosie pisses the hell out of me.  If the rumors are true about her possibly hopping on to The Today Show I will be so mad – I do NOT want to start my days listening to that woman talk. 
But Lilo needs to lay off the plastic surgery 

she looked terrifying in an interview I saw this week.
Not one thing moved on her face.

Bethenny and Jason went to Mexico for her birthday this week.
Their fights are just killing me this season! 
(please dear lord let me look like that at 41 post baby)
LOOK AT HIM. and he is the sweetest damn thing on the face of the earth. What on earth are you two fighting about non-stop!? It seems like they never have more than 5 seconds alone together, and he is surrounded constantly by women at all times, so what do they do for vacation…. bring ALL of the office women with them?? Great idea.  

Jessica Simpson’s 2 year old that is still inside the womb was a hot topic for my friends and I at dinner this week.  There are rumors apparently she had the baby already…. 

I’m secretly hoping she gave birth 3 months ago and the joke is on us. 
but alas….. she said this week:
“To everyone who keeps congratulating me on the birth of my baby girl… I’m still pregnant!!” she wrote. “Don’t believe what you read ladies and gents.”
I think the picture above is from 2 months ago. This is terrifying me. 
Let’s open a baby betting pool: leave a comment with when this is finally happening… I vote pray it’s Tuesday.

Snook’s got in on the commentary and stated she “would die if her baby bump looked like” Jessica’s. 
zip it snooki. you’ll be lucky if you and your baby ever turn out to be acceptable human beings. poor thing doesn’t stand a chance. 

How exciting is it about Giuluana + Bill!!! 
Finally some good news about the baby via surrogate for them!
She had a surprise baby shower this week.
I still was annoyed with Bill this week on the show though…. I thought it was strange to have a camera in your wife’s face for every moment leading up to a double mastectomy??? Put the camera down and hold her damn hand!  But I guess to each their own.  (Don’t get me wrong… I still sobbed the entire episode… and still love him… but not as much as Jason). 

and in even more baby news: Sarah Michelle Gellar is pregnant
where has Freddie Prince Jr. been hiding for the last 10 years?? 
Remember when he was amazing in She’s All That
that girl fell off the face of the planet too. 

I’m really, really, really excited for The Bachelorette to start.  It won’t be as good as the Bachelor, because making fun of all of the girls crying + getting drunk on the Bachelor is always 10x better, but it’ll still be amazing.
Here’s a promo video for the upcoming season: 






But, I have a confession: I really miss Small Mouth.
Coffee Talk just isn’t the same without her.
via
please dear lord let there be someone as entertaining as her 
I’m off to google more small mouth pics to get me through the day.
happy weekend kiddies. 
xoxo
by TheSarcasticBlonde 

About TheSarcasticBlonde

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Comments

  1. Julia - the Urban Slant says: April 27, 2012 at 3:25 pm

    omg. peeing my pants. WTF HAPPENED TO ASHLEY!? i stopped watching RHONJ, but now i might need to watch again. And I cry for Giuliana. So many tears. SO Happy. And bethenny and jason NEED to stop fighting. It makes me cry. I hope it's just scripted for good tv. loveeee this.

  2. Molly says: April 27, 2012 at 6:07 pm

    I told myself I would NOT watch NJ. Which, of course, I ended up doing. Teresa continues to make an absolute ass out of herself- she'll never get it. Ashley's fish lips and dye job are killing me.

    I am abnormally excited for G & B!

  3. ashley nicole catherine says: April 27, 2012 at 9:38 pm

    oh myy theresa is so awful..i can't believe she's defending the book! and ashley looks like a train wreck. i don't know how i feel about lilo as liz. i don't think she's classy enough to do her justice.. have a great weekend! xoxo

  4. natasha {schue love} says: April 28, 2012 at 6:04 pm

    The maternity shapewear is so funny!!

  5. Allison says: May 1, 2012 at 7:15 am

    I'm dying…I've heard that there's nothing more appealing to a woman in her 3rd trimester than a pair of Spanx (said the girl who is sans children and has to be reminded that it's not cool to take off ones' Spanx in public and fling them across the room…)

  6. Traci says: May 1, 2012 at 6:13 pm

    I am dying i love your small mouth jokes so much.. I missed them too. I can't wait for the bachelorette it will be still be great maybe they will even bring her on again for an interview.. a girl can dream

Hi. I’m Taylor

A Southern girl turned Chicago transplant, recently settling back down in Atlanta. Fluent in sarcasm. Devout Bravo-holic and TV addict. Balances fitness with french fries. Penchant for Prosecco and Pinot Grigio. Wannabe Ina Garten in the kitchen. Online shopping enthusiast. Lover of fashion and decor.

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