Archives for 2015
:: christmas spirit ::
so by now, hopefully you are all in the Christmas spririt.
but if you aren’t there just yet, I have something to change that around.
it had been so warm and beautiful here (never happens) and I had been so busy that I didn’t realize just how close we were to Christmas!
and then, just like that, Cher Christmas came on at work.
how I had never heard this on my NSYNC Christmas Pandora station or something is beyond me?!?
Cher’s Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home) to be exact.
it was AH-mazing and I don’t know how I have never heard it before.
the moment the opening line of “christmas, the snow coming doowwwnnnnnnn”
came on all I could hear was Jack McFarland singing “if I could turn back tiiioooooommee”
I now have been singing Cher Christmas constantly, but singing it as Jack singing as Cher. get it?
the thing that always really gets me in the Christmas spirit though?
SNL CHRISTMAS OF COURSE !
I love watching the Christmas special where they have select skits from the last gazillion seasons
(and I am always shocked when Kip hasn’t seen a certain one or is like “who is that?” when he sees Shweddy Balls…… SERIOUSLY PEOPLE. this is MY HUSBAND??? asking who molly shannon and ana gasteyer are??? when watching SNL Shweddy Balls?? )
a few of my favorite skits to get you in the Christmas Spirit below!
WHY can I not get What Up With That Christmas Spectacular on here!
WHY! Or Jimmy Fallons monologue with Christmas, Baby Please Come Home song where Buble does cocaine! Come on people!
santas my boyfriend
buble duets
shweddy balls
do it on my twin bed
bring it on in to wrappinville
:: coffee talk ::
:: VANDERPUMP RULES ::
tom and tom’s meeting with vanderpump (and her daughter and her daughters hot but way too pretty and kinda pompous and metro husband) was hilarious.
Did these people even graduate from high school? Do they even have a GED?
Shaves-His-Forhead-Tom is so embarrassed when Wannabe-Cool-Unemployed-Fake-Model-Tom talks….. and then other Tom can’t form a sentence either.
Ariana is super annoyed at work when lover Shaves-Forhead-Tom acts like he came up with the idea of serving a pink girly drink for a luncheon. I mean! The gall! Ariana, you serve cocktails. No one is creating Facebook over here, but glad you take your job so seriously. And you have heard your boyfriend speak before right? Even if you were creating something miraculous he would have no idea how to steal an idea.
WOAH. Time out.
a commercial just came on for the Vanderpump After Show and Jax’s little kentucky girlfriend got some IM. PLANTS.
I am seriously so breast obsessed that while I am eating, on my computer, and simultaneously on my phone, I see her come on the screen for 1 seconds during the commercial and am like WHAT WERE THOSE I JUST SAW!
I mean, in her nonexistent romper underwear she wore to interview at Sur twice, I was thinking Yay flaunting a flat chest! You go girl! buuuuttttt clearly she’s been Jaxed.
I just hope it’s not from the same surgeon as Jax’s THREE nose jobs.
BECAUSE YIKES.
:: WWHL ::
Did you catch my-boyfriend-andy-cohens self proclaimed worst episode of WWHL EVER with with lala and james on Monday?
THESE PEOPLE DISGUST ME THEY ARE JUST THE WORST.
half of the show was dead air from them having to bleep their curse words.
the rest of it was these trash ball morons acting like they were bad ass with the most obnoxious non-answers to questions. Lala would answer each question with another question like “WHY NOT?!” or “Yeah. BECAUSE.” and make some squishy fish face as if it was something sexually appealing and also as if it actually was her speaking words and answering a question like a normal human.
but half of it I don’t even know, or care, what they said because it was all bleeped out.
THESE PEOPLE ARE THE WORST YET I CANT LOOK AWAY.
for once I agreed with Jax (I need a drink…..)
:: RHOBH ::
we finally meet Erika new girl!!!
am I the only one that was shocked when followed up her cocktail waitress meeting her much richer husband with the fact that they had been married for 15 years?!
I was like DAMN GIRL talk about a plot twist! Good for you two! Love really does know no age! (except for me personally it DEFINITELY knows an age….. call me crazy, but I don’t think even if I had been over served one too many vodka martinis on an empty stomach after a stomach flu that I would look at a 50 year old man and be like “Who is that unattractive older man that is 20+ years my senior and we have zero in common? I must meet him and date him?”
but hey….. no judgement no judgement….. you do you
but she seems funny, and so far I like her.
I was thinking that I’ll pass on the music and dancing and all of that, especially the nude pubic hair outfit, but its hilarious.
her choreographer voiceovers for the dance moves :
“pat the puss pat the puss crawl kitty cat meow”
and then turns out she’s like, a legit music person for clubs and thinks I’m not cool enough to understand? never saw that coming either! You’ve shocked me twice in 5 minutes I really like you!
and then I think OH EM GEE why do I know her choreographer?!
what famous person does he work with, because when I see a face I don’t ever need to remember on TV, you bet your ass I REMEMBER IT.
when I need to recall someones name to introduce them to someone else?
NO IDEA WHO YOU ARE.
ughhhhhh I’m just not ready for the “brooks cancer gate” to start next weekend with yolanda and her lyme disease.
it’s making my stomach hurt I feel so awful about it….. not like, stomach hurting because I am making up an illness because of my sadness for her….. or wait….
just kidding. NO, for real, no jokes I am all HASHTAG TEAM YOLANDA.
:: JOY ::
I really really really want to see this movie.
really.
and now I have been singing carly rae jepson for 10 minutes and can’t get out of my head
:: MAZEL ::
my-boyfriend-andy-cohen for his show Then and Now.
A show dedicated to pop culture and events in different years?
It’s like a modern day I Love The 80’s, 90’s, etc. (remember how amazing that VH1 show?)
it is AMAZING. I love it.
I am right on the edge of getting sick, I can just feel it, and I WILL NOT ALLOW IT.
so I am off to bed.
who am I kidding I’ll probably keep watching bravo until I pass out, but closing the laptop is self control people.
but I am ACTUALLY going to post tomorrow…..
friday goals…. I can do it…..
:: favorites lately ::
:: gift guide : for her ::
next up, some items for the home.
The SHUGUH sugar bowl is too darn cute, and the audrey at home memoir/cookbook/coffee table book would be such a great gift for so many people.
I also thought this chalkboard table runner would be fun for kids,
slash a dinner party with immature people like myself and my friends.
{chalkboard table runner}
and a few more finds for her……
monogrammed throw blanket
needlepoint pillow (other cities available!) // mini blue tooth speaker
polka dot apron
and I had to sharethese ice cream koozies are the perfect under $10 stocking stuffer. too cute!
perfect for your lazy as hell friend who is all about netflix and chill 🙂
ice cream is cheaper than therapy
sundae funday
don’t have a meltdown
and totally unrelated,
I have been forgetting to add this to a post somewhere for weeks,
but when I saw this challah menorah on Oprah’s Favorite Things (and just saw again on Amazon)
my first thought was definitely something else…….
:: coffee talk ::
this week was a big fat yawn. I’m ready for the new girl thats a crazy part time singer in basically nude-britney-spears-sparkles-jumpsuit attire to enter the picture already.
david was really the face of support, showing up for the dental procedure when it had already started, and booking it out of there before they even sat the dental chair up. she’s coughing out “I love you baby” and the doors closing while he’s like”ya uh huh okay”.
pretty sure yolanda would have carried david home on her back and done ANYTHING for him if the roles were reversed, but what do I know, he probably had a meeting with Babyface so she totes understands???
at least Yolandas ‘Health Advocate’ cares for her…… but wait… her Health Advocate is kinda giving me the heebie jeebies. Bring back gig’s ex-boyfriends mom for support, she was cute and normal and way more fun.
I am soooo confused by Kyle and Wedding-gate.
I mean I knew everything was crap between Kyle and Kim but who knew it was with Kathy too.
How messed up is it to be like “your one daughter is a flower girl, and another daughter is coming too, but not the other girls, not you, and not your husband.” WTF?
like, yeah go drop your 5 year old off in London and come back and pick her up when she gets tired of the reception. Mmmmmmokay. I really wanna know whats going on here.
But clearly not as much as VANDERPUMP does.
Uggghhhhh. Episode 2, Round 2 of me being like ENOUGH ALREADY.
(and don’t even get me started on Ken being a total bitch about Kyle and her mumus to start the episode…. what husband sits in his wife closet making snarky and bitchy and gossipy comments. I. literally. can’t. with. him. He’s seriously a bigger bitch than any of them.)
BUT I DIGRESS……..
no one wanted to find out more information about the wedding invite being on and then off and then on again more than Lisa. who cares that her daughters are all at the dinner table and they guests on this vacation, lets keep digging and twisting.
kyle says we’ll talk it about it later LOCK IT UP to lisa more than once, but it isn’t enough.
it takes her poor daughter having to say it too for her to stop.
Ugh she make me CRAZY.
okay and one more comment, Amy B.(a lovely reader who sends me the best emails) sent me a story speculating if Yolanda is Poor or Rich Poor since all of this sickness and divorce stuff.
a snippet :
Not only did I laugh rull hard at the above,
I read a part about David’s kids being on a VH1 show nobody watches and I was like waaiiiiiit a minute
I had no idea the blonde girls that Nicole Richie hangs out with were his kids.
Mind. Blown.
And I call myself a blogger who claims to know everything about useless infomrmation no else cares about?! I mean, I am mortified. If I can’t say I am an expert on useless crap, I don’t even know who I am.
:: Kris Jenner’s Next Money Maker is Born ::
Kimye had their baby boy and named him Saint.
I have always thought that Kanye RUNS SHEYITE in that relationship…… I just can’t possibly imagine it any other way – he’s such a lunatic – and my first thought when I heard “Saint” was that he must have been like “THIS IS THE NAME” and Kim is too embarrassed to be like “UM I dated a celeb football player on The Saints for a gazillion years and it was highly publicized but OK, Saint it is.”
Kanye would be appalled, like “is that you in a JERSEY? and A T SHIRT?
and A BASEBALL CAP???? MY EYESSS”
but really these names are just awful.
Even Apple sounds normal now.
By the time I have a baby I’m just naming him/her “Croughnut” or something, so instead of stupid lines like Kris Jenner being like “Aw he’s such a Saint (tongue in cheek haha)” I can be like “Yes, my baby is as sweet and delicious as an actual Croughnut.”
hashtag respect.
and in case you still need to get some last minute Christmas shopping in,
check out all of the Kardashian Gift Guides here
Kim recommends the $1,000 Kanye West Weekender Bag for the man in your life.
because every man that carries a $1,000 bag wears oversized camo tee shirts.
yep. those rich boys look just like that man in the picture above.
:: Vanderpump Rules ::
This show is just FILTHY.
I honest feel like an 80 year old Grandma watching it because my jaw is on the floor, and then I talk out loud at the television in astonishment at the things coming out of their mouths.
(see last months Coffee Talk about the Lost Children of Rockdale County to comprehend the extent of Crabs and Syphillis and Who Knows What Other Diseases these ‘servers’ are passing around).
lisa, you need more than large derby hat to protect yourself from you own employees, but nice try.
I just still REALLY can’t wrap my head around these girls sleeping with James, let alone doing what they did to him with the scratches and stuff.
Like, even all of these skinny betches outweigh him. He is 100 pounds soaking wet.
ALSO, how hilarious/pathetically sad was it to see Kristin at Sur on Gay Pride Day trying to get in the STAFF PHOTO!? like, WHAT? did you forgot to take your crazy pills today?!
:: WWHL ::
sooooooo then Kristin is on WWHL (with a black eye and puffy lip post reconstructive surgery. I am NOT buying the “fell out of an uber story” whatsoever)
and who is in the audience that came to the show with her?
STASSI.
these people not only have all kinds of messed up sexual relationships with anyone and everyone, it clearly extends to all aspects of their lives.
I’m preeeetttyyy sure you two have had physical altercations and Stassi made you’re life a living hell, but, whatever BFF’s now.
:: MERCI ::
there is a commercial that I first saw whilst watching SNL
and it is SO BAD that I literally thought it was an SNL Commercial Short or something